Monday, November 30, 2009

Ruffled Scarf Giveaway

Wouldn't you just love this scarf? I have actually been hunting one down. No lie! Searching at every Charlotte Russe I could find. No luck!!! But Trina is currently hosting a giveaway for this scarf. I first seen it on one of her YouTube videos. If you are like me, head over to her blog and enter. You can also enter on her twitter page. Check out her blog. It is so much fun! XOXO

Monday, November 23, 2009

Costco Shopping

I have the entire week off. And I don't know what to do with myself. Today, I decided to go to Costco. When I was little, it was a favorite of mine. We would go 2X's a month. And stock up on food. My mom didn't cook. We lived off of frozen food, sandwiches, and takeout. No lie! Costco was were we went for all of our food. I grew up eating frozen chicken and drinking Kool-Aid (punch flavor) by the gallon. For lunch, I always had fruit snacks and mini juices.

As an adult, I missed going to Costco. But I didn't have the money. I didn't have the money for a membership. Or to buy the food. Who can really afford to buy those big packs of toilet paper and trail mix when you work at a dry cleaners? I couldn't. I did without Costco until last year.

Last year, PH and I were talking one night. I was telling him about Costco. How I loved to go eat all the free samples. He had no clue what I was talking about. What? How could you not know about Costco? Even I knew about it! And I grew up in the desert SW. Where we don't get good stores! The next day, we looked for our nearest Costco. We became members. I think PH tried every sample there! We bought so much stuff. I think he bought everything we had sampled! We almost couldn't fit it all into the truck!!! I couldn't believe it. I think we spent $2500. On toilet paper, food, a bike, bath towels, and some jeans. It was ridiculous!!! But it was the 1st time PH had ever been there.

After that, we didn't quite spend so much money. We probably went together every 6 weeks. I would go every 2 weeks. I can't cook, but PH did the cooking. I would shop for most of our food at Costco. Buy all of our paper stuff there. And our snacks. That kind of thing.

Well, since we separated in June, I haven't gone but once. Because a pack of toilet paper, lasts a long time. 1 person can't use all of that! And food, well I don't cook. I can buy what I eat, at the local grocery store. But I have the next week off. And my supplies is starting to go down. I decided to go to Costco today.

I got there when it opened. And I stayed until 4PM!!! I ate and ate samples. I bought lots of things. I have so much baked goods, I think I might have to freeze them. I need to call my bestie 1st to find out how to do that. My pantry is stocked with giant boxes of cereal and bags of popcorn as big as me. I also have those gallon containers of Kool-Aid and lemonade. I bought some gum and candy. A bag of apples. The gallon size shampoo and conditioner. I even bout 2 books.

It is all finally put away. And I feel good. Today was the start of my vacation. I couldn't think of a better way to spend it. Shopping through that concrete warehouse. I also have a hot pizza. Waiting to be eaten! I just love Costco pizza! XOXO

Sunday, November 22, 2009

What an End!!!

My husband is officially off of work. Off the traveling side until February. But off of work. It is his vacation time. The last 10+ months...have been a a whirlwind to say the least!!!

Most people's work year starts in January. His starts in February. Most people work throughout the year, in 1 place. He travels for over 10 months out of the year. This year, has brought so much. We got married weeks into his work schedule. We planned on a summer Honeymoon. We never took it though. Late in the spring, I miscarried our baby. A baby we never knew about, until it was too late. Then we separated in the early summer.

This has been such a tough year. And a year that has been up and down for him, both in work and in personal life. There were so many changes going on. We separated. I returned to working. And living on my own. I got most of my information about PH from coworkers and my bestie. It was so tough.

But tonight, his work is over. This year, in terms of work, is over. For him. And it is time to figure out where the 2 of us go from here. I don't want to go and hunt him down immediately. But, he is done with work. I hear he is going to go spend some time with his sister and go on a hunting trip with his buddies. But, we need to talk. And figure out the next move for us.

I can't continue to live like this. I can't continue to not talk to him. But love him this much. We can't live separate lives and still be married. To still be committed to one another, but not talk to each other. This is not working the way it is. And we need to fix it. Whether we go forward together and work at our marriage. Or if we decide to part ways and get divorced. We have a few short weeks to decide, before he is back on the road. And we need to make some serious changes. XOXO

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Casanova and Christmas Lists

I have never seen the movie Casanova. It was coming out on TV earlier. So I sat and watched it. It is a really good movie. I just wonder, why did it take me this long to watch it? I want to go buy it now. Funny how you find movies like this when you're not even looking. But I am glad that I was doing that mindless TV surfing this afternoon.

Tonight, I am sitting here trying to write out a Christmas list. My mom doesn't talk to me anymore. She pretty much disowned me when PH and I started dating. Because she couldn't understand how a man like him, could love me. Like I was not worthy enough to be loved by someone who is financially together. Who makes more money in one week, than she does all year. Believe me, I can't understand it either. But to be honest her, she has resented me all my life. Like I was the reason for all her problems. This was just an excuse for her not to talk to me anymore.

But she still doesn't talk to me. And because she rules the rest of my family, they don't talk to me either. I don't much care. Except I miss my little brother and my grandma. I wish I could send them a gift. Or help them out. Now that I am financially taken care of, I want to help them out. But I can't. My dad, well we don't talk. I had a rough childhood. He was nowhere near "Father of the Year." And after the divorce, he just didn't really care. We didn't get along. And he was all of a sudden, off the hook. He not only moved a few 1000 miles away. We pretty much stopped talking.

That leaves my friends. My close friends, the ones that I had from the time we moved out here, until me and PH started dating, they don't talk to me. They came out and told me that I am not "worthy enough to be with PH." WTF does that mean? I thought they would be happy for me. But they're not.

My Christmas list does have a lot of really sweet people on it. I have been lucky to have the best bestie in the world!!! For over 21 years, we have been as "thick as thieves." Along the way, we lost touch for a few years. It was bound to happen. We lived on separate ends of the USA. But we found our way back. And for the last 2 years, there is no one else that I can turn to more. She has been right by my side through it all. Falling in love, getting married, losing my baby, and the separation. She is right here. I couldn't find a better friend!!!

And of course there is D. He is an incredible guy. He really stepped up after the separation. He helped move me into my house, let me work for him, and even deals with my meltdowns at work. He is a good guy.

Count so far...2...I wish it was 4!

There are also all the amazing people that I have met in the last 2 years. But that I have really leaned on, in the last 6 months. LJ is so high up there. I look at her as a mom. Her daughter, and granddaughters also top the list. The amazing ladies I work with. PH's housekeeper. Friends and coworkers.

Count an army of friends!!!

Then there is PH. What do I do? We are married...but separated. Legally bound. But so far apart. I want to get him something. But I don't know what. What is too much? What is not enough? What is appropriate? I don't know any of those answers! I wish I did!!! I put his name down...then scratched it out. 10 times!!! I guess I just need to figure it out. XOXO

Friday, November 20, 2009

Timestamps and Twitter

I was looking at my tweets from earlier today. Why are the timestamps all wrong? And they all say that I posted them from the web. I didn't. I wonder why it says that? I looked at the timezone that I have selected. It's right. So is the timezone on my computer. I'm not sure. I'm also not sure why all my tweets say from the "web." But whatever! Everything works well on here. And I'm too tired to really care why twitter is not right. We'll talk more tomorrow. XOXO

Friday Fill-Ins

1. We need to talk.

2. My bestie called and it made me smile.

3. If you want it to work, you have to try.

4. Life sucks because we're not together.

5. Massachusetts has a proposed 5% sales tax on elective cosmetic surgery; I think that is a good idea.

6. People you love makes for a happy holiday.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to putting on my pjs, tomorrow my plans include sleeping in late and Sunday, I want to watch a win! XOXO

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Trying to Keep Busy

I'm trying really hard to keep busy. That could be why I ended up at work so early today. I was 30 minutes early. And had to call the building. Praying someone from the cleaning crew would answer. Thank God, they answered the phone and let me in. I went around doing a lot of things in those 30 minutes. I made coffee, called for donuts, listened to messages, started checking emails, tweeted, read through some important papers, and even talked to a lawyer. Not for me, but for work.

I kept the pace going all day. I didn't even really take a lunch break. I was too busy working!!! And I even stayed late, when we needed to finish up some things. I don't mind any of that. I like to work. I like to feel needed. Like I am contributing in some way.

Then I had to come home. I try to do things around here. But I'm not "domestic" in any sense of the word. I ordered some pizza and a salad. Because I can't cook. Let's be honest, I don't even wash dishes. What would I do without my dishwasher? I blame my mom. She herself never did any of these things. How was I supposed to learn? I can do laundry. I've been doing my own, almost my entire life. I keep my house clean. But that's about where it ends for me.

Everything in my house, is where my bestie put it. She asked me what colors I liked. I didn't really know. So she brought over a color book. I don't know if that is what it's called. But that is what I call it. It has all kinds of color samples, fabric samples, etc. I picked out colors. She took me to a bunch of stores, and I picked out things that I liked. But I didn't know how to put them together.

My bestie came to the rescue. She oversaw it all. The painters, a contractor, and all the decorating. After they painted and put up some shelves and those boards (some kind of trim around the floor, windows, etc.), she came in and did her magic. She decorated from top to bottom. Putting everything in just the perfect spot. Organizing my closet, the kitchen drawers, heck even the refrigerator!!! Nothing has really changed. I still buy the same kind of flowers that she had in the vases!!!

But I don't really do anything around my house. I clean. But 1 person, I only need to really clean up the place once a week. I do laundry. But even that doesn't take long. I don't have any real hobbies. I need to find more things to keep me busy around the house. Because I don't know if D is OK with me spending 12 hours at work every day. I might start to break him with all the overtime! XOXO

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

They Cuddle

I was reading through my bestie and D's tweets earlier today. They make me sick, but in a good way. Life right now, is not being too kind to them. Not as a pair, but individually. But they stick together like glue. Instead of running away from each other, they cuddle up together. They take the time out of their day, to remember each other. To spend a few moments together. Wrapped up in each other's arms.

The thing that I miss most about my husband, is cuddling. We used to fall asleep wrapped up in each other's arms. I used to wake up, with his arm tightly wrapped around my waist or my back. I miss that. I miss that more than you can imagine!!! I miss watching TV, snuggled into him. Hearing his heartbeat. Smelling his cologne. I miss him. I miss our snuggling.

There was just something about those tweets that made me think of PH. Think of how many times a day we would wrap ourselves up together. Just to hangout. Maybe to watch TV. Whatever. We would snuggle up together. And I miss that. I miss him being right here with me. I wish we would have been more like our friends. Would have cuddled up together, instead of run away from one another, when times got rough. XOXO

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I Won!!! I Really Did!!!

Do you remember when I entered the contest at Grosgrain? It was sponsored by Becky. You can go look at her shop and her blog. Both are really neat! She makes some of the most gorgeous jewelry!

I had a post about the beautiful jewelry. I really wanted it too! I sat and dreamt about it. How it would look with my work clothes. I talked LJ's ear off about it. I showed her Becky's shop and everything. I had my fingers, toes, everything crossed. I was like a little kid!

And I won! I just found out. I went to go read Grosgrain before I left for work. Trying to keep up on my blog reading. I was looking over on the sidebar, and there was the link to the winner. I clicked on it and there it was...The Blond! I am so excited! You see, I never win a thing. So this is pretty exciting for me! Today is going to be a good day. I can just tell! Thank you Kathleen and Becky!!! XOXO

Monday, November 16, 2009

Lawn Dress Giveaway

I found another giveaway at Grosgrain. Don't you just love this dress? It is very cute. And ladylike. The complete opposite of me. But something that I have been trying to be more of. Ask LJ. I take her shopping with me. Because I want cute dresses like this. Ones that I would be so proud to wear to work. Ones that remind me of my bestie. Because I could see her wearing this dress. With a pair of killer heels. And I want to be one of those women, that can wear a cute dress to lunch. Just because. Without someone asking why I am so dressed up. I hope I win this dress! Oh, and go vote for this dress. It's #7! I hope we both win!!! XOXO