Monday, November 30, 2009

Ruffled Scarf Giveaway

Wouldn't you just love this scarf? I have actually been hunting one down. No lie! Searching at every Charlotte Russe I could find. No luck!!! But Trina is currently hosting a giveaway for this scarf. I first seen it on one of her YouTube videos. If you are like me, head over to her blog and enter. You can also enter on her twitter page. Check out her blog. It is so much fun! XOXO

Monday, November 23, 2009

Costco Shopping

I have the entire week off. And I don't know what to do with myself. Today, I decided to go to Costco. When I was little, it was a favorite of mine. We would go 2X's a month. And stock up on food. My mom didn't cook. We lived off of frozen food, sandwiches, and takeout. No lie! Costco was were we went for all of our food. I grew up eating frozen chicken and drinking Kool-Aid (punch flavor) by the gallon. For lunch, I always had fruit snacks and mini juices.

As an adult, I missed going to Costco. But I didn't have the money. I didn't have the money for a membership. Or to buy the food. Who can really afford to buy those big packs of toilet paper and trail mix when you work at a dry cleaners? I couldn't. I did without Costco until last year.

Last year, PH and I were talking one night. I was telling him about Costco. How I loved to go eat all the free samples. He had no clue what I was talking about. What? How could you not know about Costco? Even I knew about it! And I grew up in the desert SW. Where we don't get good stores! The next day, we looked for our nearest Costco. We became members. I think PH tried every sample there! We bought so much stuff. I think he bought everything we had sampled! We almost couldn't fit it all into the truck!!! I couldn't believe it. I think we spent $2500. On toilet paper, food, a bike, bath towels, and some jeans. It was ridiculous!!! But it was the 1st time PH had ever been there.

After that, we didn't quite spend so much money. We probably went together every 6 weeks. I would go every 2 weeks. I can't cook, but PH did the cooking. I would shop for most of our food at Costco. Buy all of our paper stuff there. And our snacks. That kind of thing.

Well, since we separated in June, I haven't gone but once. Because a pack of toilet paper, lasts a long time. 1 person can't use all of that! And food, well I don't cook. I can buy what I eat, at the local grocery store. But I have the next week off. And my supplies is starting to go down. I decided to go to Costco today.

I got there when it opened. And I stayed until 4PM!!! I ate and ate samples. I bought lots of things. I have so much baked goods, I think I might have to freeze them. I need to call my bestie 1st to find out how to do that. My pantry is stocked with giant boxes of cereal and bags of popcorn as big as me. I also have those gallon containers of Kool-Aid and lemonade. I bought some gum and candy. A bag of apples. The gallon size shampoo and conditioner. I even bout 2 books.

It is all finally put away. And I feel good. Today was the start of my vacation. I couldn't think of a better way to spend it. Shopping through that concrete warehouse. I also have a hot pizza. Waiting to be eaten! I just love Costco pizza! XOXO

Sunday, November 22, 2009

What an End!!!

My husband is officially off of work. Off the traveling side until February. But off of work. It is his vacation time. The last 10+ months...have been a a whirlwind to say the least!!!

Most people's work year starts in January. His starts in February. Most people work throughout the year, in 1 place. He travels for over 10 months out of the year. This year, has brought so much. We got married weeks into his work schedule. We planned on a summer Honeymoon. We never took it though. Late in the spring, I miscarried our baby. A baby we never knew about, until it was too late. Then we separated in the early summer.

This has been such a tough year. And a year that has been up and down for him, both in work and in personal life. There were so many changes going on. We separated. I returned to working. And living on my own. I got most of my information about PH from coworkers and my bestie. It was so tough.

But tonight, his work is over. This year, in terms of work, is over. For him. And it is time to figure out where the 2 of us go from here. I don't want to go and hunt him down immediately. But, he is done with work. I hear he is going to go spend some time with his sister and go on a hunting trip with his buddies. But, we need to talk. And figure out the next move for us.

I can't continue to live like this. I can't continue to not talk to him. But love him this much. We can't live separate lives and still be married. To still be committed to one another, but not talk to each other. This is not working the way it is. And we need to fix it. Whether we go forward together and work at our marriage. Or if we decide to part ways and get divorced. We have a few short weeks to decide, before he is back on the road. And we need to make some serious changes. XOXO

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Casanova and Christmas Lists

I have never seen the movie Casanova. It was coming out on TV earlier. So I sat and watched it. It is a really good movie. I just wonder, why did it take me this long to watch it? I want to go buy it now. Funny how you find movies like this when you're not even looking. But I am glad that I was doing that mindless TV surfing this afternoon.

Tonight, I am sitting here trying to write out a Christmas list. My mom doesn't talk to me anymore. She pretty much disowned me when PH and I started dating. Because she couldn't understand how a man like him, could love me. Like I was not worthy enough to be loved by someone who is financially together. Who makes more money in one week, than she does all year. Believe me, I can't understand it either. But to be honest her, she has resented me all my life. Like I was the reason for all her problems. This was just an excuse for her not to talk to me anymore.

But she still doesn't talk to me. And because she rules the rest of my family, they don't talk to me either. I don't much care. Except I miss my little brother and my grandma. I wish I could send them a gift. Or help them out. Now that I am financially taken care of, I want to help them out. But I can't. My dad, well we don't talk. I had a rough childhood. He was nowhere near "Father of the Year." And after the divorce, he just didn't really care. We didn't get along. And he was all of a sudden, off the hook. He not only moved a few 1000 miles away. We pretty much stopped talking.

That leaves my friends. My close friends, the ones that I had from the time we moved out here, until me and PH started dating, they don't talk to me. They came out and told me that I am not "worthy enough to be with PH." WTF does that mean? I thought they would be happy for me. But they're not.

My Christmas list does have a lot of really sweet people on it. I have been lucky to have the best bestie in the world!!! For over 21 years, we have been as "thick as thieves." Along the way, we lost touch for a few years. It was bound to happen. We lived on separate ends of the USA. But we found our way back. And for the last 2 years, there is no one else that I can turn to more. She has been right by my side through it all. Falling in love, getting married, losing my baby, and the separation. She is right here. I couldn't find a better friend!!!

And of course there is D. He is an incredible guy. He really stepped up after the separation. He helped move me into my house, let me work for him, and even deals with my meltdowns at work. He is a good guy.

Count so far...2...I wish it was 4!

There are also all the amazing people that I have met in the last 2 years. But that I have really leaned on, in the last 6 months. LJ is so high up there. I look at her as a mom. Her daughter, and granddaughters also top the list. The amazing ladies I work with. PH's housekeeper. Friends and coworkers.

Count an army of friends!!!

Then there is PH. What do I do? We are married...but separated. Legally bound. But so far apart. I want to get him something. But I don't know what. What is too much? What is not enough? What is appropriate? I don't know any of those answers! I wish I did!!! I put his name down...then scratched it out. 10 times!!! I guess I just need to figure it out. XOXO

Friday, November 20, 2009

Timestamps and Twitter

I was looking at my tweets from earlier today. Why are the timestamps all wrong? And they all say that I posted them from the web. I didn't. I wonder why it says that? I looked at the timezone that I have selected. It's right. So is the timezone on my computer. I'm not sure. I'm also not sure why all my tweets say from the "web." But whatever! Everything works well on here. And I'm too tired to really care why twitter is not right. We'll talk more tomorrow. XOXO

Friday Fill-Ins

1. We need to talk.

2. My bestie called and it made me smile.

3. If you want it to work, you have to try.

4. Life sucks because we're not together.

5. Massachusetts has a proposed 5% sales tax on elective cosmetic surgery; I think that is a good idea.

6. People you love makes for a happy holiday.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to putting on my pjs, tomorrow my plans include sleeping in late and Sunday, I want to watch a win! XOXO

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Trying to Keep Busy

I'm trying really hard to keep busy. That could be why I ended up at work so early today. I was 30 minutes early. And had to call the building. Praying someone from the cleaning crew would answer. Thank God, they answered the phone and let me in. I went around doing a lot of things in those 30 minutes. I made coffee, called for donuts, listened to messages, started checking emails, tweeted, read through some important papers, and even talked to a lawyer. Not for me, but for work.

I kept the pace going all day. I didn't even really take a lunch break. I was too busy working!!! And I even stayed late, when we needed to finish up some things. I don't mind any of that. I like to work. I like to feel needed. Like I am contributing in some way.

Then I had to come home. I try to do things around here. But I'm not "domestic" in any sense of the word. I ordered some pizza and a salad. Because I can't cook. Let's be honest, I don't even wash dishes. What would I do without my dishwasher? I blame my mom. She herself never did any of these things. How was I supposed to learn? I can do laundry. I've been doing my own, almost my entire life. I keep my house clean. But that's about where it ends for me.

Everything in my house, is where my bestie put it. She asked me what colors I liked. I didn't really know. So she brought over a color book. I don't know if that is what it's called. But that is what I call it. It has all kinds of color samples, fabric samples, etc. I picked out colors. She took me to a bunch of stores, and I picked out things that I liked. But I didn't know how to put them together.

My bestie came to the rescue. She oversaw it all. The painters, a contractor, and all the decorating. After they painted and put up some shelves and those boards (some kind of trim around the floor, windows, etc.), she came in and did her magic. She decorated from top to bottom. Putting everything in just the perfect spot. Organizing my closet, the kitchen drawers, heck even the refrigerator!!! Nothing has really changed. I still buy the same kind of flowers that she had in the vases!!!

But I don't really do anything around my house. I clean. But 1 person, I only need to really clean up the place once a week. I do laundry. But even that doesn't take long. I don't have any real hobbies. I need to find more things to keep me busy around the house. Because I don't know if D is OK with me spending 12 hours at work every day. I might start to break him with all the overtime! XOXO

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

They Cuddle

I was reading through my bestie and D's tweets earlier today. They make me sick, but in a good way. Life right now, is not being too kind to them. Not as a pair, but individually. But they stick together like glue. Instead of running away from each other, they cuddle up together. They take the time out of their day, to remember each other. To spend a few moments together. Wrapped up in each other's arms.

The thing that I miss most about my husband, is cuddling. We used to fall asleep wrapped up in each other's arms. I used to wake up, with his arm tightly wrapped around my waist or my back. I miss that. I miss that more than you can imagine!!! I miss watching TV, snuggled into him. Hearing his heartbeat. Smelling his cologne. I miss him. I miss our snuggling.

There was just something about those tweets that made me think of PH. Think of how many times a day we would wrap ourselves up together. Just to hangout. Maybe to watch TV. Whatever. We would snuggle up together. And I miss that. I miss him being right here with me. I wish we would have been more like our friends. Would have cuddled up together, instead of run away from one another, when times got rough. XOXO

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I Won!!! I Really Did!!!

Do you remember when I entered the contest at Grosgrain? It was sponsored by Becky. You can go look at her shop and her blog. Both are really neat! She makes some of the most gorgeous jewelry!

I had a post about the beautiful jewelry. I really wanted it too! I sat and dreamt about it. How it would look with my work clothes. I talked LJ's ear off about it. I showed her Becky's shop and everything. I had my fingers, toes, everything crossed. I was like a little kid!

And I won! I just found out. I went to go read Grosgrain before I left for work. Trying to keep up on my blog reading. I was looking over on the sidebar, and there was the link to the winner. I clicked on it and there it was...The Blond! I am so excited! You see, I never win a thing. So this is pretty exciting for me! Today is going to be a good day. I can just tell! Thank you Kathleen and Becky!!! XOXO

Monday, November 16, 2009

Lawn Dress Giveaway

I found another giveaway at Grosgrain. Don't you just love this dress? It is very cute. And ladylike. The complete opposite of me. But something that I have been trying to be more of. Ask LJ. I take her shopping with me. Because I want cute dresses like this. Ones that I would be so proud to wear to work. Ones that remind me of my bestie. Because I could see her wearing this dress. With a pair of killer heels. And I want to be one of those women, that can wear a cute dress to lunch. Just because. Without someone asking why I am so dressed up. I hope I win this dress! Oh, and go vote for this dress. It's #7! I hope we both win!!! XOXO

Sunday, November 15, 2009

He Almost Killed Me

And he didn't even know it! My bestie called me earlier today. Just to let me know there had been a car crash. Before she got everything out, my imagination was running wild. I thought my husband had been hurt. I was kicking myself in the butt. How could we be fighting? What if he was seriously hurt across the country? What was I going to do?

Then my bestie yelled at me. I don't know if I was losing it on the phone or what. But she snapped me out of it! And continued to explain what had happened. My husband was already at work when it happened. He was not involved. But she didn't want me to panic if I had heard anything.

So much for that, huh? My husband doesn't even know it, but he almost caused me to have a heart attack. I guess that is a good sign that I still love him! XOXO

Saturday, November 14, 2009

You've Got a Famous Last Name

I heard this song earlier this week. My bestie left some CDs her boyfriend's office. They are out of town. And he called to ask me, to go look for something in his office. I headed back to work. To dig around for this piece of paper that he needed so desperately.

He had left a CD player on pause. I hit play and started my search. Norah Jones? Not his style at all. But definitely something my bestie would play! Definitely! The 2nd or 3rd song that played was Until the End. Everything about that song, is completely describing their lives. Their relationship.

He's got a famous last name. My bestie doesn't care though. She loves him, in spite of the name. She is probably the only person in the world that sees him for him. Not for the name. She always wants to be more like him. More relaxed. More laid back. But she is so damn determined to make it on her own, that she is always on the go. Always trying to get to work. Trying to pack 10,000 into one day.

That song, in all of its oddness, is the 2 of them. They are each other's other half. They see past the public persona. He sees her for her sweet soul. She sees him for the loving man. No matter what, at the end of the day, isn't that what we all want. For someone to love us in spite of our flaws.

I wanted to post the song. But I didn't know what it was called. Then I thought, maybe by chance, they had it posted on their blog. Sure enough. I found it. Funny that a lot of the things I thought to be similar, were things that my bestie had already blogged about! XOXO

Friday, November 13, 2009

Thank Goodness for the Weekend

This has just been one of those weeks! One of those crazy ones. The kind that start off bad on Monday and continue to go downhill. And fast! I have never been so excited to see the weekend roll around. I know that I shouldn't feel this way. But I just can't help it! I am so happy that today is Friday. And I don't have to go back to work until Monday!

A year ago, my weeks would have been flopped the other way. I also didn't work. Wasn't married. Was in a very loving relationship. And would wake up every morning, next to the love of my life. We traveled Thursday-Sunday. Every week. Monday and Tuesday were our weekends.

But life changes. And it changes quickly! Now, I am just happy that it is Friday. That I can live in my pjs all weekend. I can order pizza and watch Chick flicks until the cows come home! And for 48 hours, I don't have to worry about work! XOXO

Friday Fill-ins

1. The last band I saw live was my bestie and her band.

2. What I look forward to most on Thanksgiving is eating. (if you don't celebrate thanksgiving, insert your favorite holiday)

3. My Christmas/holiday shopping is not even started.

4. Thoughts of my somewhat failed relationship fill my head.

5. I wish I could wear a bikini.

6. Bagpipes are cool.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to doing nothing, tomorrow my plans include doing laundry and Sunday, I want to sleep in!


Thursday, November 12, 2009

Who Would Have Thought?

Tonight I went to Target. It had been a long and hard day at work. Something that I don't complain about. I like working hard. It makes me feel important, needed. But after work, I was beat. I needed a few things and planned a quick trip to Target, then to pick up something to eat. I figured I would veg out on the couch and watch all the good shows on ABC.

But when I got to Target, I got side tracked. Things caught my eye. Things I would never have expected. Baby stuff. I browsed through the baby department for over an hour. Just thinking. Thinking about what might have been. By now, I would be in the 3rd trimester of my pregnancy. Would PH and I still be happy? Would we be excited for our baby to come? Would we be ready to be parents? Would the baby be a boy or a girl?

I sat there for a long time wondering all of these things. Thinking about PH. Wondering what he was doing at this very moment in time. Does he ever think of the baby we lost? Or is it too hard for him? Will we make it? Will the 2 of us ever be able to put all of this past us? Or are we destined to repeat our parents' patterns? And end up divorced...

I can't help but wonder how different my life would be right now. If only our baby had survived. If only we had known. I miss our baby. Because for a brief moment in time, I knew about this baby, that my husband and I had made out of love. I fell in love with our precious baby. And I hope that our Little Angel will help his/her parents, to find their way back to one another. XOXO

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Who's Got the Coolest Job?

I have a lot of people to Thank for this amazing job that I have. Starting with my bestie. I know that she was an essential person to me getting this job. I couldn't be happier. I don't mind the desk work. You know, all the paperwork, answering phones, being people's assistant. I have even gotten to love taking the dogs on walks, ordering lunch, and the personal errands. I don't mind those things anymore.

But I have got to say, I have the coolest job ever! My boss is a very important person. Not to mention, he is totally in love with my bestie! But we get to do some pretty cool projects. Like tonight. We are going to this event. And he is definitely flying VIP style. It is so cool to just be here. I am his assistant for the night. I don't care. Give me the cell, jacket, whatever, and I will carry it!

If it means getting to be here tonight, I totally don't mind! I wish PH would have come. This is one of those events that you would like to share with the people you love. But I totally get it to. Things between us are just too hard to deal with right now.

In the meantime, we are just enjoying the "swag". The real fun is tonight. I get to go have my hair and makeup done. And I got a pretty new dress and shoes. All for this event. It is a really cool job. I'm glad that we get to have a little fun, after the scandal that I had to work on yesterday. This job has more peaks and valleys than a roller coaster! I am just glad that I get to take some time to enjoy the peaks! XOXO

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Poppy Fields Set Giveaway

I saw these and my heart just stopped! Don't you just love these poppies. I like jewelry like this. More crafty and less blingy. Do you know what I mean? I would love to win this giveaway. I would really like to wear this to work. Add a bit more quirk to my job! Go enter the giveaway too! Get up, go! XOXO

Limoncello Dress Giveaway

I found this giveaway. For this pretty dress. Don't you just love it? It reminds me of summer. Like going on a weekend trip. And just taking everything in. I'm in love with this dress. It's flirty. And grown up. Something even I, the clumsy ox could wear. And still feel pretty and like a girl. If you would like to enter the giveaway, go to Grosgrain and sign up. XOXO

Monday, November 9, 2009

Flying Home

I decided to leave Las Vegas. I still had a few days that I could have stayed. The boss had given me off until Wednesday. And the room was paid for. But what's the point? PH decided to not show up. Not at all. Not even for a few hours! The whole reason I came, was to see him. OK, I wanted to see my bestie perform too. But I wanted to see PH.

This would have been the best situation for both of us. We would have been surrounded by lots of people. An equal amount of friends. Not too awkward or scary. Just the 2 of us, and about 20 of our closest friends. Who knows, we might have gotten a chance to talk. We might have felt sparks. I don't know! But the last time we were out here, we were getting married.

I just couldn't take being here any more. I kept seeing the insane chemistry between my bestie and my boss. They are so perfect for each other. And then there were all these happy and pregnant women. Everyone just so in love. I couldn't take it. I figure I can at least go home and work. Get lost in some sort of project or whatever. I just needed to leave Las Vegas. I was literally running out of air to breath! XOXO

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Backstage Fun

Last night was a blast! I have to say that much. My bestie really does have a way of making one blond forget all her problems. She performed, and performed, and performed some more! Girl has got more energy than a firecracker! Not like me. It is nearly noon here, and I am barely waking up!

I decided to sit backstage and watch last night. My bestie performed 2 shows. And had a millions costume changes. They have this really cool "quick change" thing set up. It is something like a one man tent, that you would play in as a kid. Her makeup/hair person and stylist were always ready for her. They knew exactly how minutes they had between each change. And exactly what she was going to need. The minute she was off stage, shoes were flying off! And it took all of 2 minutes for a complete costume change. And hair and makeup touch up.

It was a neat thing to see. They are so super organized. And the clothes, jewelry, and shoes that she gets to wear. Wow! Some of the stuff is borrowed from designers. Some is made just for her. And all of it is gorgeous! She had 50 pairs of those shoes with the red bottoms. I don't know what they are called. But I know that they are ridiculously expensive. And the jewelry. The jewelry! She had a bodyguard with her at all times. That is because she was dripping in diamonds.

It made me laugh. He stood right outside of her dressing room while she got ready. Then he walked her from the dressing room, to right off stage. Where the group does a prayer. Then followed the band to the stage. He stood right off stage. The entire time watching her. Then after the 2nd show, the band had to go to a party. The bodyguard went with them. And followed her around the party.

At the end of the night. I should actually say, early this morning, she gave back the jewels. And went back to be her usual self. But this is a nightly thing. Every night that she performs, she has a bodyguard.

It was a fun night. The groups perform amazingly! Now I can see why people pay her what they do. And why so many people want her to record music. But we had a blast. I got to meet a ton of new people. From cowboys to mafia. Las Vegas is a very interesting place! XOXO

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


I think I have been watching YouTube too much lately! But it is OK with me. I have nothing else really to do in the evenings. So I sit and watch 2 hours of YouTube. Finding all sorts of fun videos. My bestie really likes to watch Trina's videos. And I finally got to her page late last night.

I sat and watched all of her videos. Trina has some posted of her family and the various activities that they participate in. My favorites are her style and beauty videos. She also has a "Show & Tell" video series. Trina shares her favorite scarves, jewelry, shoes, etc.

My favorite video is the scarf video. Because I am not too good with fashion. Or experimentation. But Trina shows all sorts of ways to wear scarves. And stuff that is not outrageously expensive. She dresses up Wal-Mart scarves and such. I really do like listening to her talk. Trina has a very soothing voice. Go check out her page or her blog. XOXO

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Easy Lobster Appetizer

I don't know how I found this video. I just did. I watched a few from Epicurious. I am guessing they are some sort of recipe website. Well, I just got really hungry. If you didn't know, I don't know how to cook. Really I don't! I depend a lot on ready-made foods, fast food, takeout, frozen food, etc. I don't cook. But my bestie is inspiring me. When she is able to whip together a breakfast for 30 people in less than an hour, I am interested!

I decided to do a search for a recipe on YouTube. I can't even remember what the search was for. But I found Epicurious. And they have some good recipes. I watched a few videos. Things I want to try. They don't look hard. But when I found this video, I got really excited! XOXO

Monday, October 26, 2009

Top Twenty Reasons Why Chocolate is Better Than Sex

1.You can GET chocolate.
2."If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3.Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4.You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5.You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6.You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7.If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8.Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9.The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10.You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11.You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12.You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13.With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14.Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15.You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16.Good chocolate is easy to find.
17.You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18.You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19.When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
20.With chocolate size doesn't matter.

One thing you should know about my bestie, she is a chocoholic! I'm not joking at all! Girl LOVES her some chocolate! I was looking for a silly poem to send her today. Because let's face it, it's Monday. Everyone needs something to help them out on a Monday! Instead of a poem, I found this. Why chocolate is better than sex. I couldn't agree more! XOXO

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sunday Surprise

When I was little, my mom used to buy Nestle Banana flavored powder. From the Price Club. The HUGE can! You mix it with milk. It's just like having strawberry milk. But it's banana flavored. I LOVED the stuff! I used to drink it all the time. I wasn't a chocolate milk kinda kid. That was my brother.

I liked banana milk. I used to have it after school. And when I would get upset. During my parents' divorce, I drank my way through cans of the stuff! As I got older, it was still my "go to" when I was upset. I would pull out the can and the biggest glass I could find. That was my thing. Then a couple of years ago, I couldn't find it at the store. I was upset. I searched everywhere. I never found it!
Today, I needed some groceries. Mostly just my oatmeal, tuna, crackers, etc. I am really trying to turn a new leaf here. As I was searching for some things that my bestie told me to try, I found it! My banana flavored powder. The stuff I have always loved! It wasn't in a can, like in the good old days. It was in a plastic tub. But who cares? I found it!

But I bought it. And I was so excited to come home and try it. As soon as I got in the door, I poured me some milk. Added my banana powder and just fell back in love again! I'm so glad that I found it. I know it sounds childish. But this is my "go to." I could have used it 4 months ago. But I am just happy to have found it! XOXO

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Book Suggestions...

OK, so lately I have been reading. Something I never liked before. Something that I never really did before. But I am enjoying it. I even bought a bookshelf. I only have 7 books. It's kinda sad. LG even gave me 2 cookbooks. My bestie bought me a cookbook when I got married. Then she gave me Crazy Ladies last week. BTW It's a good book!

But I want to fill up my bookshelf with good books! I want to read more. I want to learn more. I want to be a more rounded person. But I don't know were to start. Do you have any suggestions? My bestie sent me a list of her favorite books. LJ gave me 2 books to read. But I want to expand a little bit.

I don't have any real preferences. I just want some good books. If you read my blog. Stumbled on it. Whatever. Just leave me a suggestion. I really want to read some good books. I don't care if they are classics, on the Best Sellers List, cookbooks, beauty books, gardening, or just dorky girly books. Just share your favorite book with me. Please! XOXO

Friday, October 23, 2009

Friday Fill-ins

1. The crickets sing, too loud, all night.

2. The sky is up, wherever you are.

3. I want to get far away from the mess my life has become.

4. The last 4-5 months of my life; this was a dream.

5. But as for me I'm trying to get by.

6. My family is crazy, and I come from them.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to some sleep, tomorrow my plans include doing some work and Sunday, I want to try and cook!


I Want One!!!

My bestie and I were talking about dogs last weekend. She really wants a bichon frise. I had no clue what she was talking about. Until I googled it a few days later. This is a male puppy. Isn't he cute?

I want one! I have been wanting a dog since I moved out on my own. I have never owned a dog. When I was little, we never had one. But when I started dating my husband, he has a big dog. I think all men own a big dog. I had to take care of his dog and D's dogs. That was my "job" before I started working for D. It was not the ideal situation. I didn't really like the big dogs. They are good dogs. Sweet and lovable. But I just had never had a pet. Then I had 3 big dogs to take care of. I eventually grew to love them all. But it took a while to get there.

But I want a small dog. I have always wanted a small dog. And the bichon frise is an adorable dog. I want a dog that is small and cuddly. A cute little face to share my house with. Now to find me one. I know. I am becoming a dog person. Who would have thought? XOXO

Thursday, October 22, 2009

It's Love I Tell You

I had a good talk with the boss today. D was just in a talking mood. He wanted to talk. And I was there. Good thing! Because he wanted to talk about my bestie. The man is so in love! Hey bestie, do you hear? He loves your butt! Well, I don't know if he loves your butt exactly. But he does love you!

I think he would do anything for my bestie. Wait, I don't think, I know that he would do anything for her. And I mean anything! He is trying to figure out a way to convince her to move out here. You see, my bestie is so independent. It's almost ridiculous! She likes to do things on her own. On her own time. In her own way. D is starting to really get to know my bestie. To know the things that make her tick. Honestly, I think he likes her more for all of those things!

It was kinda funny. Because when we were having lunch today, the guys had the radio on some local rap station. Not something we usually listen to. But that's what they were listening to. A song came on. I didn't know what it was called. But I later asked one of the guys. It was 50 Cent's Baby By Me. D just looked at me. I knew what he was thinking. Here are some of the lyrics, "Have a baby by me...Baby. Be a millionaire." Good Luck trying to get her to have your baby! :P

But that is what life comes down to around here. D is head over heels in love with my bestie. He got her a phone a while back. He got himself another. And they use these 2 phones to talk every night. Yup, at the same time. That is, if they are not near each other! Because let's face it, the chaos of these travel schedules, are in part just to see one another!

But I can tell he is ready to settle down. He even admitted it today. He wants to have a family. He finally found a woman that loves him, for him. No strings attached. Not for his money or his fame. Not for his name. Just for him. He knows my bestie. He knows that she is a good woman. And they get along so well.

They talk for hours and hours. Get along so well! She encourages him every day. He is having a tough year. But she is right there for him. And the most important thing, I think anyway. They are willing to be there for one another no matter what. I mean come on. He told me today, that if it would mean them being together, he would leave his career. Which is a pretty big deal! I mean he still owns a great company, has plenty of businesses. But to leave his primary job is big! I wonder if she knows...

I hope that we can convince her to move out here permanently. I think they would be amazing together. My bestie is the kind of woman that completely takes care of you. I can see her taking care of D until forever. You know what I mean? D is the kind of man that would treat his woman like a queen. There would be no other woman that would even spark his interest. It's just about her. And I could just imagine their cute kids! Damn those kids would be beautiful!

It would be nice to see them both happy. To see my bestie not stressed about money. Or completely depressed with the direction her life is going in. I know she doesn't like the career she is in. But it is what she is doing. Because she feels like it is what she needs to do. It's the right thing to do. And D, well he just needs that happiness in his life. A person to completely confide in. Someone that is 100% on his side.

They are so comfortable with each other too! It is ridiculous. All this past week, they were just there. Completely comfortable with one another. Because let's be honest here, my bestie is not a touchy feely kind of a person. She doesn't hug just anyone, things like that. But with D, they are just comfortable. More than once, I seen her cuddle up next him during a car ride. Granted that we were on the road for at least an hour at a time. But seriously, she would lean into him, he would have his arm around her. On more than one night, she fell asleep like that, on the car ride home. I'm just saying!

Ya, that's what they both need. Instead of D traveling right now for work. My bestie traveling to some family thing. They need to be together. They need to let those sparks turn into the fire that is there. And not run away from their feelings. Just let it happen! That's what they need. To let the love and passion take over. To at least be animalistic for one night. That's all I'm saying! I'm sure both families would be happy if there was some pitter patter in a year or so. Hey, I'm just saying! :) XOXO

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

New Breakfast

I've been trying to eat better. Actually, I've been trying to live a better life. Making changes for a better lifestyle. Before I got married, I did one of those insane crash diets. I dropped about 4 sizes. Then I gained all the weight back over the summer.

My bestie, she studies medicine and nutrition stuff. I asked for her help. She recommended a bunch of different things. I don't cook. She had to be very creative! But one of my favorite breakfasts so far is this: oatmeal with dried cranberries and almonds. My bestie told me to actually get the oatmeal that you have to cook. Not the instant one. I cook the oatmeal. Then in the last few minutes I add some dried cranberries, almonds, and a little bit of skim milk. It is good!

I am also trying to not drink so much caffeine. I've been drinking tea in the morning instead of coffee. Unless, it is completely necessary. Then I will give in to a cup of coffee. Like this morning when I was trying to stay awake. I'm also going for a walk around where I work. I go after work. The property is large. It is a good workout. Because I am lazy, and I don't like to workout. But the walk isn't so bad. I'm not looking to lose any specific number of pounds. Or to be a certain size. Just to be healthier and to feel better. XOXO

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

And the Last One

Last night was the last big show. And my bestie didn't disappoint! It was a really fun show. LG (Lady Grams) and LJ were super impressed with my bestie. They already know her. But they really enjoyed the show. I think they are secretly plotting to set up my bestie and D. I'm all for it!

After everything that has happened over the last few days, I don't want life to go back to what it was like before. Ya, we have been working like crazy. But it has been enjoyable to hangout with my bestie and all her friends. This work isn't bad. It is setting up events. Planning charity stuff. That kind of thin.

But I came to work today. I was late. Super late. So was most of the company. Because last night's performance was amazing! All the friends and family of the company got to go. It was a more intimate event. Even if there seemed to be more people there last night. It was a closed VIP event. And an event for D and my bestie to not have to worry about. They didn't have to worry about peering eyes. Or inquiring minds. Isn't that how you say it?

After the other night, I think they were both a little more at ease. There was no fear if D was hugging my bestie. Or towards the end of the night, when my bestie was tired, they were cuddling. Nothing too crazy. D just had his arm draped around her. My bestie was falling asleep. Her head laying on his chest. It was too cute! I got a picture. Yup, my phone is good for something. But they are too cute! Because she is so tiny. And he just envelopes her. They looked like a real couple. You never know!

But the event was nice. It was a catered affair. The best food around here. My bestie and her band performed for 3 hours. D played and sang about 30% of the songs with them. Then there was a DJ for the rest of the night. Lots of dancing! Lots of eating! Tons of laughs. Even more fun! There was something for everyone to do! I'm glad that we decided to plan this event. It was a nice way to end this amazing week! XOXO

Monday, October 19, 2009

Barely Alive on a Monday

What the hell am I doing at work today? I don't know! Really I don't. Last night we had a nice charity event. Man we raised the money! I am so glad that my bestie and her friends performed. There was also a live and a silent auction. This was such an amazing event! So much money was raised for such a great cause!

We didn't leave that place until after 3:30AM. I had them drop me off at my house. Because I knew I had to work. They all went to D's house. I still don't know why we booked all those rooms at the fancy ass hotel. I don't think they ever stayed in them! I know D has a big house. But honestly, from where they were performing to D's house, it is like an hour drive. Maybe longer! Whatever!

I decided to come to work today. And I am not even sure why I decided that! I really don't know. I'm not functioning well at all. And no one, and I mean no one, is here today. I saw the cleaning lady, and the receptionist here. That's it! LJ came in just a few minutes ago. And she told me to go home. Is it a bad sign that I want to take a nap before I drive home. Like a 5 minute drive?

One last event tonight. Yup, we are all about charity around here! We have one last show! It is supposed to be the best one yet. I am very excited! Yet, so very tired. I think I am going to take a nap. Then go home. Take another nap. And then get ready for tonight's fun/work! XOXO

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Round 2

It was another "It's freezing balls out here!" kind of night, last night! We all went to this event. And I swear, I thought I was going to turn into an icicle. My bestie couldn't take it, and before I knew it, we were in D's "City Condo." Ya, because he lives in BFE, he has a condo "in the city." For days like that.

We just hung out. Waited for the guys to do their thing. Because my bestie was performing again. At like 11PM. Insanity I tell you! I don't know whose job is crazier, D's PH's, or my bestie's. They had another great performance. We did another round of dancing. Nothing like the night before. I think D was trying to be a good boy. Ya, he was! At 3:30 in the AM, we decide to leave. Everyone piles into the cars, and we caravan the heck out of there. Because D is awesome like that, we had 10 or so cars with drivers. Nobody had to drive!

On the way to BFE, aka D's house, we make a stop at CVS. Ya, at 3:30AM! To buy what you ask? Crap! My bestie needed some Carmex and chocolate. Don't tell me D didn't have a tube of Carmex or some chocolate at his house. But we stopped. My bestie also ended up buying some conditioner for her hair, a nail polish, and some gum. D got some Carmex, chips, and a bag of mixed Halloween candy. Am I serious? Damn right I am!

There was actually a lot of people in that place! We counted 12 separate people buying things. Including my bestie's friends. A fun couple. He is the director of the band, she is my bestie's makeup artist/hair stylist. Some people had someone else with them, like this couple. But there were 12 people standing there to make their purchases. 10 were buying condoms! Not my bestie. Not D. Come on folks! I should have just bought them some. Maybe that would have pushed one or the other over the line. Started some real fireworks!

We all made it back to D's house. My bestie made breakfast for everyone! Which I have to admit, was very nice! It had been a long night. And that was the perfect way to end it. Just hanging around eating pancakes. I had to laugh when I saw one of the guys eating pancakes and drinking a beer. Only at 4AM in BFE! Doesn't get much better than that! This is love people! XOXO

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Rockin' on the Dance Floor

OMG! I tell you, he wants her! Like nobody's damn business. That man wants her! You can see it all over his body. Not just on his face. But his body is literally begging for my bestie! If she doesn't realize it by now, I don't know what to say. I really don't. Because that man is about to explode he wants her so bad!

Last night, the band performed with my bestie. She comes out rockin this white strapless dress. I think it was identical to the black one from the night before. Kinda short, but not hoochy! The most gorgeous hot pink stilettos. I learned that they are called stilettos. Something about the height of the heel. Whatever! And she looked H-O-T! Her makeup was amazing! Her lips, ya they were gorgeous. Looked like she had been eating berries and they were stained. I need to learn how to do that. Because she was smokin!

Again, D performed with her. They would do a couple of songs, then she would go back to whatever the band was doing. Then they would do another romantic song. I swear, you could feel the energy and crap building between them. At one point, I thought D was just going to take her in his arms and kiss her. Like those crazy passionate kisses you see in the old movies! Ya, that kind! You could see were D was fighting his own body. Like his head was saying one thing, but his body was saying something else. You know what I mean?

Then after my bestie and the band finished, a DJ started. The place was already insane! The energy was at like 5000! But it was just getting more and more crazy! We all were in the VIP area. D trying to keep a low profile. But he was right next to my bestie. We do a good job of keeping them out of eyesight anyway. All of a sudden Rihanna's Please Don't Stop the Music comes on. And D has the urge to dance. He doesn't ask my bestie, he just pulls her up outta her seat. And leads her to the dance floor. Everyone's eyes are immediately on them!

I don't think D thought about that. But oh my! It was crazy! You could feel the beat of the music. Literally, my seat was vibrating with the beat. But you could see them dancing to the exact beat. I don't know how to describe it. They were just locked in every way you could imagine. Eyes were completely locked on one another. His hands were tightly around her waist. It was just crazy! I don't think you could have crammed a piece of paper in between them! Passion oozing from them!

They were "Rockin' on the dance floor...acting (somewhat) naughty." Just like the lyrics to the song. The DJ definitely saw what was going on. And he knew who was signing his check at the end of the night. The 4 minute song must have ended up being 10 minutes! Wow! And when it was over, D navigated them through the crowd and back up to the VIP area. All like nothing had happened. Give me a damn break! Women were shocked! Jaws had hit the ground. These horny women wanted him more now than they ever had! And he only had eyes for my bestie!

OK, so maybe she sat a little closer to him after their dance. And he whispered some sweet nothings in her ear, more than once. Another guy that is hot for her, was sitting at the opposite end of the area we were in. He was having a shit fit! Apparently, they had had to have some kind of talk before the show. Because the week before he had crossed some lines and D had punched him a few times. I don't really know the details.

But come on. I swear, had they not been in public, I think something would have definitely gone down! I am so serious! I see the way they look at each other. But they both seem to fight it. Can you imagine what is going to happen when they give in? The freaking 4th of July!

So we get back to D's house around 4AM. People are falling like flies. Everyone is tired. More like exhausted! The 2 of them are like freakin night owls. My bestie pulls out pots and pans and starts cooking! What the heck? Ya, she is making them Monte Cristos! What the hell are those? I don't know. I went to bed. J, one of our friends, tells me he gets up at 7AM. They are sitting on the porch talking! Freakin talking outside in the cold. All wrapped up in blankets on the damn porch! Ya, that's my girl! XOXO

Friday, October 16, 2009

Friday Fill-ins

1. So are we going to make it through this?

2. A fork in the road is what's up ahead.

3. I love to spend time with my bestie.

4. This is life of some sort.

5. I walk a fine line every day.

6. Jose Cuervo is the true elixir of life!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to our event, tomorrow my plans include spending time with my bestie and Sunday, I want to have fun at the charity event!


Making it a Home

I have a secret. I'm not good when it comes to decorating. My bestie gave me all these wonderful tips and tried to help me when I first moved into my house. But I didn't do so well. Even with her help. Because she left me to do certain things. And well, I didn't do them. I still have boxes and boxes of things. I only pull things out as I need them. It is pretty pathetic!

You see, when PH and I first moved in together, he lived in your typical bachelor pad. And I had no problem with it. It was a house that D owned. A place that PH was just happy to be living in. Nothing special. But it wasn't awful. We had what we needed. And then some...

Then PH decided to have a house built for us. A few months ago we moved in. Had no furniture. And we seeked the help of my bestie. A brilliant interior decorator. I keep telling her, that is her call in life. Interior design. Oh and making beautiful babies with D. I think they would have some cute kids! If she would just listen to me. I know he would be more than happy to participate in that!

Back on track here. My bestie helped us. Asked us what kinds of things we liked. Took us each shopping with her. And before we knew it, we had this beautiful home! Gorgeous! Everything just went together. It was not matchy, matchy. But it was just our style. We loved everything about the house! The furniture was perfect! We had everything we needed. And everything we could ever want or need!

After PH and I hit our rough patch, I decided to move out. He did too. It is ridiculous that our gorgeous house is lonely! But it is. I moved to another property that D owns. A condo. PH moved back into D's other house, that we once lived in. But I got the condo. A rather blah place. White walls, beige carpet, white and beige walls. But it was close to where I work. And I haven't really cared about what it looks like inside. Or even if I have everything that I need to have. D won't take any rent money. And I have been too depressed to even consider shopping.

But my bestie and I went shopping today. Because I only had to work for a few hours during the day. Then I work tonight. Same schedule as my bestie! I asked her if it was OK that we do some shopping for my house. D was kind enough to even let me use his old furniture when I moved into the condo. So nothing in the condo was really mine. I didn't mind. But I had saved like 80% of my pay. And now I wanted to spent it.

In reality, I don't know how long I will be living here. Or even if this is going to be a permanent separation for PH and I. But I am tired of coming home to find boxes. Literally, I have been living out of them. Ya, D and my bestie tried to help me a while back. But I had promised each of them that I would empty the boxes. Instead, they have sat there. And I felt like I was just camping out on my friend's couch.

I know my bestie talked to D before this week. Because bright and early this morning, painters were at my door. Every room was repainted to colors that I like. And my bestie and I were gone shopping. We shopped before and after her performance this afternoon. She is super good at this. But I think she had gotten a head start on some of the stuff. Like most of the furniture. And like 2 bandits, we made our way through Target, Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and eventually Wal-Mart.

Everything that you can imagine, we bought. We started this morning at the furniture store. My bestie taking pictures of the things we bought. Then she systematically worked through the rooms of my house. Making sure I had pots and pans, enough towels, curtains, rugs, and even little blankets to snuggle on the couch with. We bought picture frames, mirrors, and vases. You name it, we bought it! I am tired just thinking about it all again!

But she has another show tonight. So we just dropped everything off at my place. The furniture will be delivered in the morning. And she promised that by Wednesday, everything will be in it's place! I believe her. Because she is anal like that. And I know that she wants for me to feel at home there. So does D. And I have to be grateful to both of them for everything! Including D letting me stay at his house tonight. With everyone else that is bunking there! XOXO

Thursday, October 15, 2009

"It's freezing balls out here!"

That's how my husband says it's cold. He never actually says, "It's cold." He always says, "It's freezing balls out here!" It is cold here. All of a sudden it got super cold! And when I heard him say this today, I just had to smile. He was down the hall from my office, talking to one of the guys. They were complaining about having to be outside in the rain. But I just had to smile!

My bestie is hard at work too! Freezing her tail feather no less! But we are all trying to deal and cope with the cold. She is having to go back and forth. Inside and out. I feel bad for her. But I am just glad that most of my work, has to be done on the computer today!

Last night was a blast! I just love watching my bestie do her thing. D even got up and sang a few songs. I swear, at one point, it looked like he wanted to jump her bones! No lie! The drool was pooling in his mouth! :) But that song is a pretty hot and heavy one, when you listen to the words. Something that I ahve been doing lately. It's Lady A's new one. And the way that she looks at him when they sing. WOW! So HOT!

She was also smokin! In a black strapless dress. Her hair all done up. Makeup was perfect. Red hot shoes. And matching red hot lips! I swear, there was more than one man looking at her last night. And she is just so dumb to it all! She honestly doesn't get that guys are literally in love with her. Hello? Wake up and realize you are a damn good catch!

Ya, so far that has been the week. I am trying to stay on the DL. But you know, around here, that is almost impossible! But I try. Tonight, we have another fun event. Actually, all week we have fun events planned! XOXO

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

You Can Feel the Positve Juju

It is crazy around here! Everyone has been so busy. There is so much going on around here that it isn't even funny! I am afraid to leave my office. I am! Who knows who is lurking around this place. I never realized what it was like this week, around this place. But we will survive!

There was a great announcement made today. WOW! You can feel the positive juju around here! Everyone was so excited. It happened not long ago. And the vibe just totally picked up. It's gonna be a great week! I tell you that it is!

I super excited about tonight. My bestie is performing at this incredible event. I can't wait to hear her sing! These are the days that I live for. But I am just excited about getting out and having some fun! Life has been so hard and heavy lately. I am sure I will see PH at this event. It is a charity/work event for us. But oh well! I am still going to have some fun! I need to live a little! XOXO

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

So Much is Going On!

I tell you. There is so much going on. Oh, ya. It was D's birthday last week. In the middle of my disaster! I kinda forgot. So I bought him a gift last night. I wrapped it up and put it in his office this morning. But oh ya, he won't be in until tomorrow afternoon. Or something like that. Because we are all crazy here. And he is busy working on a project. And did I mention? We are all losing our minds around here!

The weather bites my rear! It is colder than heck around here. Flights are delayed. We are trying to fill open event spot times. And I am not sure if I am going to survive this week. But I am hopeful. What else can I be? The high point of my week, is going to be spending time with my bestie! I love my girl!

Some of my work assignments even include hanging out with my bestie! This week is already looking better than last week. I just need to forget about some things for a while. And try to enjoy a little bit of life. I'm still thinking that the group is going to stay at D's. I just do. They are all friends. And I just think he would rather have them there with him. So much for me making sure we had an entire floor at the best hotel around here. During this week no less!

But that's about it. Work is crazy busy! But I like it like this. I am so excited to spend some good quality time with my girl that it is unbelievable! And I need to learn how to walk in heels, in the rain. Because we are supposed to have rain all week! XOXO

Monday, October 12, 2009

Another Week

I'm at work. I somehow survived the weekend! And the extremely long flight home! I even made it to work this morning. A little late. But I made it. More than I can say for 2 men that I work with. :) I know that I didn't have to come in. Mostly because I was traveling all weekend. But I figured that LJ would like the help. And it would keep my mind off of the disastrous week I had last week!

First task, help LJ get in touch with D. It wasn't happening this morning. She called 20 times. I called over and over for almost 2 hours. Then I called my bestie. Funny how she can call D, and immediately he answers the phone! What the heck!!! LJ laughed and told me that it is typical that D had his phone off. She couldn't explain how my bestie always can reach him. What the heck?

The only thing I have learned today is, as usual, PH and D don't work on Mondays. I don't ask. I just know this kind of stuff. D doesn't answer his phone in the morning, at night, or on a Monday. Apparently, everyone knows this! Unless it's my bestie calling. What does he have a special phone just for her calls? I'm starting to wonder! XOXO

Sunday, October 11, 2009

I Feel Like...

Sometimes I just feel like I need to run. Run fast. And never look back. Today is one of those days. It feels like D day. Like I have someone breathing down my back. Instead, I am going to consume myself in work. While my husband works, so will I! Anything to try and keep him off the mind!

I have 15,000 short stories to get through before December. UGH! Doesn't D understand that I don't like to read? Apparently not! But the interns went through all the stories. There were way more than that! Now I get to read them, and narrow the field some more. Eventually, after many more hands have touched the stories, D will be handed about 10. He has to choose his favorite.

So I sit here having to read these things. OMG! Are these people serious about the things that they write? It's like porn meets American hero! But it's my job. A weird task I tell you. But it's my job to read these things. They are supposed to be short stories about a certain public figure. Um, some people are a little obsessed with this individual. That's all I can say. Hey, maybe I will learn some moves from some of these. Something to help out the tanking marriage! I'm trying to be funny here!

D and PH will be working for the better part of the day. I will be reading. I got my supplies ready to go. A stack of stories, a red pen, some of those flag post-its, a highlighter, and plenty of coffee. I think someone who likes to read those trashy romance books would like these stories. I'm just going to try and get through them! XOXO

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Getting My Read On

I'm not going to even try and lie. In high school, I was supposed to have read this book. I didn't! I bought it. I might have read the first page. And then it sat on the floor of my room. Eventually it got lost in the back of my closet. I picked up the Cliff's Notes so that I could write my report and pass the quizzes. I was a bad student! No, not really. I was a good kid. But I didn't like to read boring books! I would ask my step-sister about them. Mostly she lied. So I relied on the Cliff's Notes.

But when we were leaving one hotel for another, leaving one city for another, I remembered that I wanted a book. And I didn't want to bother anyone with my nonsense. So I stopped in the hotel gift shop. I had my choice between Wuthering Heights, Dante's Inferno, a children's fairy tale book, and some crazy book about demons and vampires. Ya, they need to improve the book selection. But I figured, it was a sign. I should read this book afterall.

Good choice! I am about a third of the way through it. I have to say, it is a good book. When I talked to my bestie earlier, she was telling me about a DVD series that is based on the book. I told you that she is a nerd! She tapes Master Piece Theater on Sunday nights! :) But I LOVE her! I want to watch it after I read the book. It's a sad love story. But honestly, it is what I need right now. So I am enjoying the hot weather, the warm sun, and a cold glass of iced tea. I'm trying to be good here people! XOXO

Friday, October 9, 2009

Friday Fill-ins

1. Sweet dreams are not happening for me.

2. Chaos is especially for me.

3. Silliness is my current state of marriage.

4. Who knows what I will be doing this Halloween.

5. Outstanding or not this is my life.

6. My husband is what I want right now!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to take a warm bath and get some sleep, tomorrow my plans include spending some time on the beach and Sunday, I want to enjoy CA!


Life Unraveled!!!

I feel like I have hit the lowest of the lows. And I want to go home. To the comfort of my house with all it's unpacked moving boxes and frozen pizza. At least there, I don't feel this bad. But the boss' wife talked me out of it about an hour ago. She saw me trying to leave my room with my bags. I promised to stay until Sunday. But I don't know if I can.

I tried to enjoy a little bit of the sunny weather. It is hot as heck here! But I just couldn't do it. I talked with both my bestie and D. When they say things, the problems don't seem as big. When I think about them, they seem HUGE! I don't know what to do. I know that PH and I need to talk. But I don't want to be an added issue to this stressful time. I'm holding out hope for November. When I know he gets a break from work. A time that I hope to sit and talk with him.

What the heck am I going to do for the next few days? I have to be here until Sunday. Mostly because my bestie asked nicely when we talked. Now I can't go breaking promises with 2 different people! But my bestie told me that just being around shows PH that I still care. I hope it shows him that I still love him. Because I do! But I also need to keep myself busy. And where we are headed until Sunday, there is not much to do. Besides what PH does. I guess I will pick up reading. I need to get a book before we leave. XOXO

Thursday, October 8, 2009

We've Lost It!

My hubs and I have! What the hell did we do last night? Here I was all stressed about having to walk in heels. Getting people to wherever they needed to be. In general, doing my job in a fancy dress and high heels!

Then it happened. I walked in and saw him. My husband. Looking all cute in his dress clothes. Laughing away and joking with D. What was I supposed to do? I talked to the other people that were there. I tried to stay focused on my tasks. Tried to keep my mind off of the man that I love more than life itself. As soon as I could, I left the event.

As I left, PH followed. Ran to the car that was taking me back to the hotel. Something that I never expected to happen. Not in a million years. And not matter how hard I tried to resist, I couldn't resist him. Use your imagination. I'm sure you know what happened next. Not that I am complaining. Because Lord I'm not! But where did it get us?

This morning I woke up to find him MIA. And a note from him sitting on the bathroom sink. "Love ya. Sorry about last night. (His initial)" Um, what is that supposed to mean? Is he sorry for what happened? That it happened? That he came around? What the hell is going on? I tried to call. But it went straight to his voicemail. Go figure!

D had called about 20 times the night before. I guess he was worried that I had left the event early. Then around 2AM he was worried about PH. Because he didn't know what had happened to him. I guess D has had to act like our dad for a while now. About 3AM he figured we were together. And left a happy message. Then my bestie called another 20 times, wondering what the heck had happened to me. And why I wasn't answering my phone.

Well, hells bells! I don't know what's going on. I feel like I am walking the Hall of Shame! PH is my husband. I shouldn't feel this way. But I do. I don't regret last night. But I do regret not talking about our problems. Will we ever talk? Will we ever get passed all of this? I don't know. But I am still holding onto hope. XOXO

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

I Need to Learn...

I really need to learn how to be a girl. Because I suck at it! We got to the West Coast a little earlier. And now I have to get ready for this event. It is not "Emmy Red Carpet" fancy. But it is much fancier than I am used to. A friend helped me pick out the dress. She owns a nice store. I trust her taste. And I am getting my hair and makeup done too!

This is the time that I realize, I don't really know how to be a girl. When did this happen? When I was little, I always played with makeup. I would get those holiday makeup kits and play around with them. When I got older, I got into more expensive makeup. I can remember, more than once, buying colored mascara, trying new lipsticks, etc. But somewhere along the way, I just stopped doing those things.

My bestie makes me laugh. She and are a close in age. Been friends since our kindergarten playground days. I was into makeup way before her. She was more of a, shall I say it? A nerd! But a cute nerd. The kind that all the boys liked. She was more fashion forward than me. Had gorgeous hair. But the makeup, that was all me. When we were like in 3rd grade we bought CoverGirl compacts, a lipgloss, and mascara. We thought we were cool.

Over the years, we got separated by miles. We went to different schools. Then I moved across the country. She kept becoming a girly, girl. She was a cheerleader. Learned all about the art of hair and makeup. Heck, now she is a performer! With her own hair stylist, fashion stylist, and makeup artist! But she can do all that on her own.

Me, not so much! I don't know what happened along the way. I just don't! I wish I did. LJ helps me every day when she comes into work. It's a good thing the boss likes us! :) LJ and KE took me to get a mini makeover in NYC. It turned into me having my hair dyed, highlighted, styled, new makeup, eyebrow waxing, and new clothes and shoes! Thanks girls. But I still feel like a baby learning how to walk!

And this event tonight, it doesn't help with that. I need to look nice and polished. I am stressed that I am going to fall on my ass! Why do women have to wear high heels? What in the world did my husband see in me? I am so not one of those girly girls. Please Beauty Gods, watch over me tonight! XOXO

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

I Can't Get Him Outta My Head

Today is one of those days. I can't get my hubs out of my head. I just keep thinking about him. Doesn't help that we work together. We pass each other in the halls. All I want to do is stop him so we can talk. But that has to wait. And seeing him walk down the hall just drives me crazy! I want to run up to him and kiss him. Tell him that I miss him.

At work, we are working on a big project. 2 actually. I need to focus on that for now. I need to double check on 20 rooms for next week. But I think they are all going to end up staying at D's new place. Who knows. And helping LJ with some stuff that we are researching. There is so much to do on that project! But we will get it all done.

I leave tomorrow for the West Coast. Another work project thing. But I will get to see the Hubs again. We are on the same flight. Going to the same events. I hope I don't break down. And we can get along. It is going to be difficult to be around him. But not for an obvious reason. More because I miss him. I miss talking to him. I miss his touch. I miss the way he laughs. The look in his eye. I just miss him. Plain and simple. XOXO

Monday, October 5, 2009

I Joined the Online Crackline!

I am getting bored with life. I need to fill it with things. Meet some new friends. I have too much time on my hands. I joined twitter this AM. I couldn't sleep last night. Got up way early this AM. Got ready for work. Joined twitter. Went to work early. All this before 8AM. Damn! I need to get a life!

Later I am going to see what the big deal is. Everyone is talking about twitter. Everyone is on twitter. Let's see what happens here. But I can follow people. My bestie. And who knows who else! If you are on twitter, let me know. I will follow you! XOXO

Tiffany Giveaway

I should be working. I came early you know. But LJ is not here yet. I don't know what to do. So I am playing on twitter. Found that lots of people give things away on twitter. Lots of contests going on. I am going to try to enter a couple of them!

This contest is for this little cupcake necklace. Don't you like it? I do! Reminds of when I was a kid. The good times. Before life got complicated! I need some more of that simplicity back in my life. Maybe this will help me. You can enter the contest too. You have to go to the Party Cupcake blog. I hope that link works! That is the first time I have tried that! Btw the cupcakes look yummy on their blog! :) XOXO

Sunday, October 4, 2009

I Feel Bad...

I know that PH had a bad day today. I talked to my bestie. Things did not end well for the day. I kinda want to call him and tell him that it will be ok. But I am stopping myself. I don't want to make his day worse. That's all he needs. His wife calling to check on him.

Work wasn't so kind to the guys. But we all have to shake it off. I think I will send him a pizza or something tomorrow. But I feel bad. How does this happen? That we don't talk. But we still have these strong feelings for each other?

Why is life so complicated? Why do we have to be so hardheaded? I wish I knew the answers to these questions. My life would be a lot simpler. 100x's better!

My Sunday night? I will spend it watching Lifetime. Eating Ben & Jerrys. Because it helps. Helps numb all of this. I sound like such a girl! I never used to be like this. But I have turned into one of those girls. The ones that cry at the reveal on Extreme Home Makeover. Or some random commercial. By golly gee! I am a female! XOXO

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Feeling Like an Idiot

Not gonna lie. I don't know much about being a domestic woman. I don't! I can't cook! Really, I can't! You can hold a gun to my head, that won't help. Because I just can't. My roommates did all the cooking, I paid for the food. With PH, we would eat out. He cooked a little. But we ate out every day!

I am not good at cleaning. Or any of those house things and chores. My bestie, she puts me to shame! Girl can cook your pants off! She is a Domestic Diva in every single way. I am just waiting for the day when she marries D. They are the perfect couple. She makes the perfect housewife. I don't!

All I know, is laundry. I know stains, dry cleaning, washing, drying...laundry. This disaster should have never have happened. But it did! I have a load of pink socks. And shirts that shrank! 2 big laundry disasters in 1 day! I still don't know how it happened. But it did!

Maybe someone is trying to tell me something. Or I just need to be more careful. Either way, I need to go shopping now. I need new socks. And some of those little shirts you wear under your clothes. I think they are called camis? Mine are all about 4 sizes too small now! XOXO

Friday, October 2, 2009

Friday Fill-ins

My bestie does these on her blog. So I decided to try it! If you want to try it to, go here.

1. I have a history of eating too much.

2. The secret to marriage is something I wish I knew.

3. I'm eating (or recently ate) pizza.

4. My husband is on the road.

5. So that's it, that's my life.

6. This is better than nothing!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to watching a movie, tomorrow my plans include doing laundry and Sunday, I want to watch Lifetime!


Everyone is Gone

Pretty typical for a Friday. Everyone is gone for the weekend. That's our life. And work around here. I think about my husband. For the sake of this blog, we will call him PH. For poor husband. I think I have put him through hell and back in the short 7 months that we have been married. I still can't believe it has been 7 months.

But I miss PH. Things went way wrong in June. That is pretty much the last we have really talked. Or spent time together. But I can't help but think about him. He is gone to work. In a different time zone. Trying to consume his time in work and play. I am here, at work. Trying to learn how to deal.

My co-worker/supervisor/friend, LJ (Lady J) tries to help me out. Every morning she helps me with my unruly hair. LJ has tried and tried to teach me how to do my makeup. Not sure if I am actually learning anything. I try. But we still spend the first 30 minutes of our work day, putting my makeup on. I feel like an idiot. Because I am 26 and can't figure it out!

But work is quiet. It gets this way. And I think about PH and our friends. What good it does me? I don't know. But I am waiting another 2 months before I sit PH down for a serious talk. 2 months you ask? In 2 months he has vacation time. I know we won't have to worry about anything. We can sit and talk.

As for today. I am working til noon. Then us girls are going out for lunch. I know they want to go shopping. It will do me some good. I still need lots of stuff to just function in my apartment. I could use some nice clothes for work. I am just a tshirt and jeans girl. But I should look nicer. I am determined to make today a better day! Back to work. XOXO