Casanova and Christmas Lists

I have never seen the movie Casanova. It was coming out on TV earlier. So I sat and watched it. It is a really good movie. I just wonder, why did it take me this long to watch it? I want to go buy it now. Funny how you find movies like this when you're not even looking. But I am glad that I was doing that mindless TV surfing this afternoon.

Tonight, I am sitting here trying to write out a Christmas list. My mom doesn't talk to me anymore. She pretty much disowned me when PH and I started dating. Because she couldn't understand how a man like him, could love me. Like I was not worthy enough to be loved by someone who is financially together. Who makes more money in one week, than she does all year. Believe me, I can't understand it either. But to be honest her, she has resented me all my life. Like I was the reason for all her problems. This was just an excuse for her not to talk to me anymore.

But she still doesn't talk to me. And because she rules the rest of my family, they don't talk to me either. I don't much care. Except I miss my little brother and my grandma. I wish I could send them a gift. Or help them out. Now that I am financially taken care of, I want to help them out. But I can't. My dad, well we don't talk. I had a rough childhood. He was nowhere near "Father of the Year." And after the divorce, he just didn't really care. We didn't get along. And he was all of a sudden, off the hook. He not only moved a few 1000 miles away. We pretty much stopped talking.

That leaves my friends. My close friends, the ones that I had from the time we moved out here, until me and PH started dating, they don't talk to me. They came out and told me that I am not "worthy enough to be with PH." WTF does that mean? I thought they would be happy for me. But they're not.

My Christmas list does have a lot of really sweet people on it. I have been lucky to have the best bestie in the world!!! For over 21 years, we have been as "thick as thieves." Along the way, we lost touch for a few years. It was bound to happen. We lived on separate ends of the USA. But we found our way back. And for the last 2 years, there is no one else that I can turn to more. She has been right by my side through it all. Falling in love, getting married, losing my baby, and the separation. She is right here. I couldn't find a better friend!!!

And of course there is D. He is an incredible guy. He really stepped up after the separation. He helped move me into my house, let me work for him, and even deals with my meltdowns at work. He is a good guy.

Count so far...2...I wish it was 4!

There are also all the amazing people that I have met in the last 2 years. But that I have really leaned on, in the last 6 months. LJ is so high up there. I look at her as a mom. Her daughter, and granddaughters also top the list. The amazing ladies I work with. PH's housekeeper. Friends and coworkers.

Count 6...plus an army of friends!!!

Then there is PH. What do I do? We are married...but separated. Legally bound. But so far apart. I want to get him something. But I don't know what. What is too much? What is not enough? What is appropriate? I don't know any of those answers! I wish I did!!! I put his name down...then scratched it out. 10 times!!! I guess I just need to figure it out. XOXO

They Cuddle

I was reading through my bestie and D's tweets earlier today. They make me sick, but in a good way. Life right now, is not being too kind to them. Not as a pair, but individually. But they stick together like glue. Instead of running away from each other, they cuddle up together. They take the time out of their day, to remember each other. To spend a few moments together. Wrapped up in each other's arms.

The thing that I miss most about my husband, is cuddling. We used to fall asleep wrapped up in each other's arms. I used to wake up, with his arm tightly wrapped around my waist or my back. I miss that. I miss that more than you can imagine!!! I miss watching TV, snuggled into him. Hearing his heartbeat. Smelling his cologne. I miss him. I miss our snuggling.

There was just something about those tweets that made me think of PH. Think of how many times a day we would wrap ourselves up together. Just to hangout. Maybe to watch TV. Whatever. We would snuggle up together. And I miss that. I miss him being right here with me. I wish we would have been more like our friends. Would have cuddled up together, instead of run away from one another, when times got rough. XOXO

Flying Home

I decided to leave Las Vegas. I still had a few days that I could have stayed. The boss had given me off until Wednesday. And the room was paid for. But what's the point? PH decided to not show up. Not at all. Not even for a few hours! The whole reason I came, was to see him. OK, I wanted to see my bestie perform too. But I wanted to see PH.

This would have been the best situation for both of us. We would have been surrounded by lots of people. An equal amount of friends. Not too awkward or scary. Just the 2 of us, and about 20 of our closest friends. Who knows, we might have gotten a chance to talk. We might have felt sparks. I don't know! But the last time we were out here, we were getting married.

I just couldn't take being here any more. I kept seeing the insane chemistry between my bestie and my boss. They are so perfect for each other. And then there were all these happy and pregnant women. Everyone just so in love. I couldn't take it. I figure I can at least go home and work. Get lost in some sort of project or whatever. I just needed to leave Las Vegas. I was literally running out of air to breath! XOXO

Backstage Fun

Last night was a blast! I have to say that much. My bestie really does have a way of making one blond forget all her problems. She performed, and performed, and performed some more! Girl has got more energy than a firecracker! Not like me. It is nearly noon here, and I am barely waking up!

I decided to sit backstage and watch last night. My bestie performed 2 shows. And had a millions costume changes. They have this really cool "quick change" thing set up. It is something like a one man tent, that you would play in as a kid. Her makeup/hair person and stylist were always ready for her. They knew exactly how minutes they had between each change. And exactly what she was going to need. The minute she was off stage, shoes were flying off! And it took all of 2 minutes for a complete costume change. And hair and makeup touch up.

It was a neat thing to see. They are so super organized. And the clothes, jewelry, and shoes that she gets to wear. Wow! Some of the stuff is borrowed from designers. Some is made just for her. And all of it is gorgeous! She had 50 pairs of those shoes with the red bottoms. I don't know what they are called. But I know that they are ridiculously expensive. And the jewelry. The jewelry! She had a bodyguard with her at all times. That is because she was dripping in diamonds.

It made me laugh. He stood right outside of her dressing room while she got ready. Then he walked her from the dressing room, to right off stage. Where the group does a prayer. Then followed the band to the stage. He stood right off stage. The entire time watching her. Then after the 2nd show, the band had to go to a party. The bodyguard went with them. And followed her around the party.

At the end of the night. I should actually say, early this morning, she gave back the jewels. And went back to be her usual self. But this is a nightly thing. Every night that she performs, she has a bodyguard.

It was a fun night. The groups perform amazingly! Now I can see why people pay her what they do. And why so many people want her to record music. But we had a blast. I got to meet a ton of new people. From cowboys to mafia. Las Vegas is a very interesting place! XOXO

It's Love I Tell You

I had a good talk with the boss today. D was just in a talking mood. He wanted to talk. And I was there. Good thing! Because he wanted to talk about my bestie. The man is so in love! Hey bestie, do you hear? He loves your butt! Well, I don't know if he loves your butt exactly. But he does love you!

I think he would do anything for my bestie. Wait, I don't think, I know that he would do anything for her. And I mean anything! He is trying to figure out a way to convince her to move out here. You see, my bestie is so independent. It's almost ridiculous! She likes to do things on her own. On her own time. In her own way. D is starting to really get to know my bestie. To know the things that make her tick. Honestly, I think he likes her more for all of those things!

It was kinda funny. Because when we were having lunch today, the guys had the radio on some local rap station. Not something we usually listen to. But that's what they were listening to. A song came on. I didn't know what it was called. But I later asked one of the guys. It was 50 Cent's Baby By Me. D just looked at me. I knew what he was thinking. Here are some of the lyrics, "Have a baby by me...Baby. Be a millionaire." Good Luck trying to get her to have your baby! :P

But that is what life comes down to around here. D is head over heels in love with my bestie. He got her a phone a while back. He got himself another. And they use these 2 phones to talk every night. Yup, at the same time. That is, if they are not near each other! Because let's face it, the chaos of these travel schedules, are in part just to see one another!

But I can tell he is ready to settle down. He even admitted it today. He wants to have a family. He finally found a woman that loves him, for him. No strings attached. Not for his money or his fame. Not for his name. Just for him. He knows my bestie. He knows that she is a good woman. And they get along so well.

They talk for hours and hours. Get along so well! She encourages him every day. He is having a tough year. But she is right there for him. And the most important thing, I think anyway. They are willing to be there for one another no matter what. I mean come on. He told me today, that if it would mean them being together, he would leave his career. Which is a pretty big deal! I mean he still owns a great company, has plenty of businesses. But to leave his primary job is big! I wonder if she knows...

I hope that we can convince her to move out here permanently. I think they would be amazing together. My bestie is the kind of woman that completely takes care of you. I can see her taking care of D until forever. You know what I mean? D is the kind of man that would treat his woman like a queen. There would be no other woman that would even spark his interest. It's just about her. And I could just imagine their cute kids! Damn those kids would be beautiful!

It would be nice to see them both happy. To see my bestie not stressed about money. Or completely depressed with the direction her life is going in. I know she doesn't like the career she is in. But it is what she is doing. Because she feels like it is what she needs to do. It's the right thing to do. And D, well he just needs that happiness in his life. A person to completely confide in. Someone that is 100% on his side.

They are so comfortable with each other too! It is ridiculous. All this past week, they were just there. Completely comfortable with one another. Because let's be honest here, my bestie is not a touchy feely kind of a person. She doesn't hug just anyone, things like that. But with D, they are just comfortable. More than once, I seen her cuddle up next him during a car ride. Granted that we were on the road for at least an hour at a time. But seriously, she would lean into him, he would have his arm around her. On more than one night, she fell asleep like that, on the car ride home. I'm just saying!

Ya, that's what they both need. Instead of D traveling right now for work. My bestie traveling to some family thing. They need to be together. They need to let those sparks turn into the fire that is there. And not run away from their feelings. Just let it happen! That's what they need. To let the love and passion take over. To at least be animalistic for one night. That's all I'm saying! I'm sure both families would be happy if there was some pitter patter in a year or so. Hey, I'm just saying! :) XOXO

And the Last One

Last night was the last big show. And my bestie didn't disappoint! It was a really fun show. LG (Lady Grams) and LJ were super impressed with my bestie. They already know her. But they really enjoyed the show. I think they are secretly plotting to set up my bestie and D. I'm all for it!

After everything that has happened over the last few days, I don't want life to go back to what it was like before. Ya, we have been working like crazy. But it has been enjoyable to hangout with my bestie and all her friends. This work isn't bad. It is setting up events. Planning charity stuff. That kind of thin.

But I came to work today. I was late. Super late. So was most of the company. Because last night's performance was amazing! All the friends and family of the company got to go. It was a more intimate event. Even if there seemed to be more people there last night. It was a closed VIP event. And an event for D and my bestie to not have to worry about. They didn't have to worry about peering eyes. Or inquiring minds. Isn't that how you say it?

After the other night, I think they were both a little more at ease. There was no fear if D was hugging my bestie. Or towards the end of the night, when my bestie was tired, they were cuddling. Nothing too crazy. D just had his arm draped around her. My bestie was falling asleep. Her head laying on his chest. It was too cute! I got a picture. Yup, my phone is good for something. But they are too cute! Because she is so tiny. And he just envelopes her. They looked like a real couple. You never know!

But the event was nice. It was a catered affair. The best food around here. My bestie and her band performed for 3 hours. D played and sang about 30% of the songs with them. Then there was a DJ for the rest of the night. Lots of dancing! Lots of eating! Tons of laughs. Even more fun! There was something for everyone to do! I'm glad that we decided to plan this event. It was a nice way to end this amazing week! XOXO

Barely Alive on a Monday

What the hell am I doing at work today? I don't know! Really I don't. Last night we had a nice charity event. Man we raised the money! I am so glad that my bestie and her friends performed. There was also a live and a silent auction. This was such an amazing event! So much money was raised for such a great cause!

We didn't leave that place until after 3:30AM. I had them drop me off at my house. Because I knew I had to work. They all went to D's house. I still don't know why we booked all those rooms at the fancy ass hotel. I don't think they ever stayed in them! I know D has a big house. But honestly, from where they were performing to D's house, it is like an hour drive. Maybe longer! Whatever!

I decided to come to work today. And I am not even sure why I decided that! I really don't know. I'm not functioning well at all. And no one, and I mean no one, is here today. I saw the cleaning lady, and the receptionist here. That's it! LJ came in just a few minutes ago. And she told me to go home. Is it a bad sign that I want to take a nap before I drive home. Like a 5 minute drive?

One last event tonight. Yup, we are all about charity around here! We have one last show! It is supposed to be the best one yet. I am very excited! Yet, so very tired. I think I am going to take a nap. Then go home. Take another nap. And then get ready for tonight's fun/work! XOXO

Round 2

It was another "It's freezing balls out here!" kind of night, last night! We all went to this event. And I swear, I thought I was going to turn into an icicle. My bestie couldn't take it, and before I knew it, we were in D's "City Condo." Ya, because he lives in BFE, he has a condo "in the city." For days like that.

We just hung out. Waited for the guys to do their thing. Because my bestie was performing again. At like 11PM. Insanity I tell you! I don't know whose job is crazier, D's PH's, or my bestie's. They had another great performance. We did another round of dancing. Nothing like the night before. I think D was trying to be a good boy. Ya, he was! At 3:30 in the AM, we decide to leave. Everyone piles into the cars, and we caravan the heck out of there. Because D is awesome like that, we had 10 or so cars with drivers. Nobody had to drive!

On the way to BFE, aka D's house, we make a stop at CVS. Ya, at 3:30AM! To buy what you ask? Crap! My bestie needed some Carmex and chocolate. Don't tell me D didn't have a tube of Carmex or some chocolate at his house. But we stopped. My bestie also ended up buying some conditioner for her hair, a nail polish, and some gum. D got some Carmex, chips, and a bag of mixed Halloween candy. Am I serious? Damn right I am!

There was actually a lot of people in that place! We counted 12 separate people buying things. Including my bestie's friends. A fun couple. He is the director of the band, she is my bestie's makeup artist/hair stylist. Some people had someone else with them, like this couple. But there were 12 people standing there to make their purchases. 10 were buying condoms! Not my bestie. Not D. Come on folks! I should have just bought them some. Maybe that would have pushed one or the other over the line. Started some real fireworks!

We all made it back to D's house. My bestie made breakfast for everyone! Which I have to admit, was very nice! It had been a long night. And that was the perfect way to end it. Just hanging around eating pancakes. I had to laugh when I saw one of the guys eating pancakes and drinking a beer. Only at 4AM in BFE! Doesn't get much better than that! This is love people! XOXO