Casanova and Christmas Lists

I have never seen the movie Casanova. It was coming out on TV earlier. So I sat and watched it. It is a really good movie. I just wonder, why did it take me this long to watch it? I want to go buy it now. Funny how you find movies like this when you're not even looking. But I am glad that I was doing that mindless TV surfing this afternoon.

Tonight, I am sitting here trying to write out a Christmas list. My mom doesn't talk to me anymore. She pretty much disowned me when PH and I started dating. Because she couldn't understand how a man like him, could love me. Like I was not worthy enough to be loved by someone who is financially together. Who makes more money in one week, than she does all year. Believe me, I can't understand it either. But to be honest her, she has resented me all my life. Like I was the reason for all her problems. This was just an excuse for her not to talk to me anymore.

But she still doesn't talk to me. And because she rules the rest of my family, they don't talk to me either. I don't much care. Except I miss my little brother and my grandma. I wish I could send them a gift. Or help them out. Now that I am financially taken care of, I want to help them out. But I can't. My dad, well we don't talk. I had a rough childhood. He was nowhere near "Father of the Year." And after the divorce, he just didn't really care. We didn't get along. And he was all of a sudden, off the hook. He not only moved a few 1000 miles away. We pretty much stopped talking.

That leaves my friends. My close friends, the ones that I had from the time we moved out here, until me and PH started dating, they don't talk to me. They came out and told me that I am not "worthy enough to be with PH." WTF does that mean? I thought they would be happy for me. But they're not.

My Christmas list does have a lot of really sweet people on it. I have been lucky to have the best bestie in the world!!! For over 21 years, we have been as "thick as thieves." Along the way, we lost touch for a few years. It was bound to happen. We lived on separate ends of the USA. But we found our way back. And for the last 2 years, there is no one else that I can turn to more. She has been right by my side through it all. Falling in love, getting married, losing my baby, and the separation. She is right here. I couldn't find a better friend!!!

And of course there is D. He is an incredible guy. He really stepped up after the separation. He helped move me into my house, let me work for him, and even deals with my meltdowns at work. He is a good guy.

Count so far...2...I wish it was 4!

There are also all the amazing people that I have met in the last 2 years. But that I have really leaned on, in the last 6 months. LJ is so high up there. I look at her as a mom. Her daughter, and granddaughters also top the list. The amazing ladies I work with. PH's housekeeper. Friends and coworkers.

Count 6...plus an army of friends!!!

Then there is PH. What do I do? We are married...but separated. Legally bound. But so far apart. I want to get him something. But I don't know what. What is too much? What is not enough? What is appropriate? I don't know any of those answers! I wish I did!!! I put his name down...then scratched it out. 10 times!!! I guess I just need to figure it out. XOXO

Trying to Keep Busy

I'm trying really hard to keep busy. That could be why I ended up at work so early today. I was 30 minutes early. And had to call the building. Praying someone from the cleaning crew would answer. Thank God, they answered the phone and let me in. I went around doing a lot of things in those 30 minutes. I made coffee, called for donuts, listened to messages, started checking emails, tweeted, read through some important papers, and even talked to a lawyer. Not for me, but for work.

I kept the pace going all day. I didn't even really take a lunch break. I was too busy working!!! And I even stayed late, when we needed to finish up some things. I don't mind any of that. I like to work. I like to feel needed. Like I am contributing in some way.

Then I had to come home. I try to do things around here. But I'm not "domestic" in any sense of the word. I ordered some pizza and a salad. Because I can't cook. Let's be honest, I don't even wash dishes. What would I do without my dishwasher? I blame my mom. She herself never did any of these things. How was I supposed to learn? I can do laundry. I've been doing my own, almost my entire life. I keep my house clean. But that's about where it ends for me.

Everything in my house, is where my bestie put it. She asked me what colors I liked. I didn't really know. So she brought over a color book. I don't know if that is what it's called. But that is what I call it. It has all kinds of color samples, fabric samples, etc. I picked out colors. She took me to a bunch of stores, and I picked out things that I liked. But I didn't know how to put them together.

My bestie came to the rescue. She oversaw it all. The painters, a contractor, and all the decorating. After they painted and put up some shelves and those boards (some kind of trim around the floor, windows, etc.), she came in and did her magic. She decorated from top to bottom. Putting everything in just the perfect spot. Organizing my closet, the kitchen drawers, heck even the refrigerator!!! Nothing has really changed. I still buy the same kind of flowers that she had in the vases!!!

But I don't really do anything around my house. I clean. But 1 person, I only need to really clean up the place once a week. I do laundry. But even that doesn't take long. I don't have any real hobbies. I need to find more things to keep me busy around the house. Because I don't know if D is OK with me spending 12 hours at work every day. I might start to break him with all the overtime! XOXO

Thank Goodness for the Weekend

This has just been one of those weeks! One of those crazy ones. The kind that start off bad on Monday and continue to go downhill. And fast! I have never been so excited to see the weekend roll around. I know that I shouldn't feel this way. But I just can't help it! I am so happy that today is Friday. And I don't have to go back to work until Monday!

A year ago, my weeks would have been flopped the other way. I also didn't work. Wasn't married. Was in a very loving relationship. And would wake up every morning, next to the love of my life. We traveled Thursday-Sunday. Every week. Monday and Tuesday were our weekends.

But life changes. And it changes quickly! Now, I am just happy that it is Friday. That I can live in my pjs all weekend. I can order pizza and watch Chick flicks until the cows come home! And for 48 hours, I don't have to worry about work! XOXO

Who's Got the Coolest Job?

I have a lot of people to Thank for this amazing job that I have. Starting with my bestie. I know that she was an essential person to me getting this job. I couldn't be happier. I don't mind the desk work. You know, all the paperwork, answering phones, being people's assistant. I have even gotten to love taking the dogs on walks, ordering lunch, and the personal errands. I don't mind those things anymore.

But I have got to say, I have the coolest job ever! My boss is a very important person. Not to mention, he is totally in love with my bestie! But we get to do some pretty cool projects. Like tonight. We are going to this event. And he is definitely flying VIP style. It is so cool to just be here. I am his assistant for the night. I don't care. Give me the cell, jacket, whatever, and I will carry it!

If it means getting to be here tonight, I totally don't mind! I wish PH would have come. This is one of those events that you would like to share with the people you love. But I totally get it to. Things between us are just too hard to deal with right now.

In the meantime, we are just enjoying the "swag". The real fun is tonight. I get to go have my hair and makeup done. And I got a pretty new dress and shoes. All for this event. It is a really cool job. I'm glad that we get to have a little fun, after the scandal that I had to work on yesterday. This job has more peaks and valleys than a roller coaster! I am just glad that I get to take some time to enjoy the peaks! XOXO

And the Last One

Last night was the last big show. And my bestie didn't disappoint! It was a really fun show. LG (Lady Grams) and LJ were super impressed with my bestie. They already know her. But they really enjoyed the show. I think they are secretly plotting to set up my bestie and D. I'm all for it!

After everything that has happened over the last few days, I don't want life to go back to what it was like before. Ya, we have been working like crazy. But it has been enjoyable to hangout with my bestie and all her friends. This work isn't bad. It is setting up events. Planning charity stuff. That kind of thin.

But I came to work today. I was late. Super late. So was most of the company. Because last night's performance was amazing! All the friends and family of the company got to go. It was a more intimate event. Even if there seemed to be more people there last night. It was a closed VIP event. And an event for D and my bestie to not have to worry about. They didn't have to worry about peering eyes. Or inquiring minds. Isn't that how you say it?

After the other night, I think they were both a little more at ease. There was no fear if D was hugging my bestie. Or towards the end of the night, when my bestie was tired, they were cuddling. Nothing too crazy. D just had his arm draped around her. My bestie was falling asleep. Her head laying on his chest. It was too cute! I got a picture. Yup, my phone is good for something. But they are too cute! Because she is so tiny. And he just envelopes her. They looked like a real couple. You never know!

But the event was nice. It was a catered affair. The best food around here. My bestie and her band performed for 3 hours. D played and sang about 30% of the songs with them. Then there was a DJ for the rest of the night. Lots of dancing! Lots of eating! Tons of laughs. Even more fun! There was something for everyone to do! I'm glad that we decided to plan this event. It was a nice way to end this amazing week! XOXO

Barely Alive on a Monday

What the hell am I doing at work today? I don't know! Really I don't. Last night we had a nice charity event. Man we raised the money! I am so glad that my bestie and her friends performed. There was also a live and a silent auction. This was such an amazing event! So much money was raised for such a great cause!

We didn't leave that place until after 3:30AM. I had them drop me off at my house. Because I knew I had to work. They all went to D's house. I still don't know why we booked all those rooms at the fancy ass hotel. I don't think they ever stayed in them! I know D has a big house. But honestly, from where they were performing to D's house, it is like an hour drive. Maybe longer! Whatever!

I decided to come to work today. And I am not even sure why I decided that! I really don't know. I'm not functioning well at all. And no one, and I mean no one, is here today. I saw the cleaning lady, and the receptionist here. That's it! LJ came in just a few minutes ago. And she told me to go home. Is it a bad sign that I want to take a nap before I drive home. Like a 5 minute drive?

One last event tonight. Yup, we are all about charity around here! We have one last show! It is supposed to be the best one yet. I am very excited! Yet, so very tired. I think I am going to take a nap. Then go home. Take another nap. And then get ready for tonight's fun/work! XOXO

"It's freezing balls out here!"

That's how my husband says it's cold. He never actually says, "It's cold." He always says, "It's freezing balls out here!" It is cold here. All of a sudden it got super cold! And when I heard him say this today, I just had to smile. He was down the hall from my office, talking to one of the guys. They were complaining about having to be outside in the rain. But I just had to smile!

My bestie is hard at work too! Freezing her tail feather no less! But we are all trying to deal and cope with the cold. She is having to go back and forth. Inside and out. I feel bad for her. But I am just glad that most of my work, has to be done on the computer today!

Last night was a blast! I just love watching my bestie do her thing. D even got up and sang a few songs. I swear, at one point, it looked like he wanted to jump her bones! No lie! The drool was pooling in his mouth! :) But that song is a pretty hot and heavy one, when you listen to the words. Something that I ahve been doing lately. It's Lady A's new one. And the way that she looks at him when they sing. WOW! So HOT!

She was also smokin! In a black strapless dress. Her hair all done up. Makeup was perfect. Red hot shoes. And matching red hot lips! I swear, there was more than one man looking at her last night. And she is just so dumb to it all! She honestly doesn't get that guys are literally in love with her. Hello? Wake up and realize you are a damn good catch!

Ya, so far that has been the week. I am trying to stay on the DL. But you know, around here, that is almost impossible! But I try. Tonight, we have another fun event. Actually, all week we have fun events planned! XOXO

You Can Feel the Positve Juju

It is crazy around here! Everyone has been so busy. There is so much going on around here that it isn't even funny! I am afraid to leave my office. I am! Who knows who is lurking around this place. I never realized what it was like this week, around this place. But we will survive!

There was a great announcement made today. WOW! You can feel the positive juju around here! Everyone was so excited. It happened not long ago. And the vibe just totally picked up. It's gonna be a great week! I tell you that it is!

I super excited about tonight. My bestie is performing at this incredible event. I can't wait to hear her sing! These are the days that I live for. But I am just excited about getting out and having some fun! Life has been so hard and heavy lately. I am sure I will see PH at this event. It is a charity/work event for us. But oh well! I am still going to have some fun! I need to live a little! XOXO

So Much is Going On!

I tell you. There is so much going on. Oh, ya. It was D's birthday last week. In the middle of my disaster! I kinda forgot. So I bought him a gift last night. I wrapped it up and put it in his office this morning. But oh ya, he won't be in until tomorrow afternoon. Or something like that. Because we are all crazy here. And he is busy working on a project. And did I mention? We are all losing our minds around here!

The weather bites my rear! It is colder than heck around here. Flights are delayed. We are trying to fill open event spot times. And I am not sure if I am going to survive this week. But I am hopeful. What else can I be? The high point of my week, is going to be spending time with my bestie! I love my girl!

Some of my work assignments even include hanging out with my bestie! This week is already looking better than last week. I just need to forget about some things for a while. And try to enjoy a little bit of life. I'm still thinking that the group is going to stay at D's. I just do. They are all friends. And I just think he would rather have them there with him. So much for me making sure we had an entire floor at the best hotel around here. During this week no less!

But that's about it. Work is crazy busy! But I like it like this. I am so excited to spend some good quality time with my girl that it is unbelievable! And I need to learn how to walk in heels, in the rain. Because we are supposed to have rain all week! XOXO

Another Week

I'm at work. I somehow survived the weekend! And the extremely long flight home! I even made it to work this morning. A little late. But I made it. More than I can say for 2 men that I work with. :) I know that I didn't have to come in. Mostly because I was traveling all weekend. But I figured that LJ would like the help. And it would keep my mind off of the disastrous week I had last week!

First task, help LJ get in touch with D. It wasn't happening this morning. She called 20 times. I called over and over for almost 2 hours. Then I called my bestie. Funny how she can call D, and immediately he answers the phone! What the heck!!! LJ laughed and told me that it is typical that D had his phone off. She couldn't explain how my bestie always can reach him. What the heck?

The only thing I have learned today is, as usual, PH and D don't work on Mondays. I don't ask. I just know this kind of stuff. D doesn't answer his phone in the morning, at night, or on a Monday. Apparently, everyone knows this! Unless it's my bestie calling. What does he have a special phone just for her calls? I'm starting to wonder! XOXO

I Feel Like...

Sometimes I just feel like I need to run. Run fast. And never look back. Today is one of those days. It feels like D day. Like I have someone breathing down my back. Instead, I am going to consume myself in work. While my husband works, so will I! Anything to try and keep him off the mind!

I have 15,000 short stories to get through before December. UGH! Doesn't D understand that I don't like to read? Apparently not! But the interns went through all the stories. There were way more than that! Now I get to read them, and narrow the field some more. Eventually, after many more hands have touched the stories, D will be handed about 10. He has to choose his favorite.

So I sit here having to read these things. OMG! Are these people serious about the things that they write? It's like porn meets American hero! But it's my job. A weird task I tell you. But it's my job to read these things. They are supposed to be short stories about a certain public figure. Um, some people are a little obsessed with this individual. That's all I can say. Hey, maybe I will learn some moves from some of these. Something to help out the tanking marriage! I'm trying to be funny here!

D and PH will be working for the better part of the day. I will be reading. I got my supplies ready to go. A stack of stories, a red pen, some of those flag post-its, a highlighter, and plenty of coffee. I think someone who likes to read those trashy romance books would like these stories. I'm just going to try and get through them! XOXO

I Can't Get Him Outta My Head

Today is one of those days. I can't get my hubs out of my head. I just keep thinking about him. Doesn't help that we work together. We pass each other in the halls. All I want to do is stop him so we can talk. But that has to wait. And seeing him walk down the hall just drives me crazy! I want to run up to him and kiss him. Tell him that I miss him.

At work, we are working on a big project. 2 actually. I need to focus on that for now. I need to double check on 20 rooms for next week. But I think they are all going to end up staying at D's new place. Who knows. And helping LJ with some stuff that we are researching. There is so much to do on that project! But we will get it all done.

I leave tomorrow for the West Coast. Another work project thing. But I will get to see the Hubs again. We are on the same flight. Going to the same events. I hope I don't break down. And we can get along. It is going to be difficult to be around him. But not for an obvious reason. More because I miss him. I miss talking to him. I miss his touch. I miss the way he laughs. The look in his eye. I just miss him. Plain and simple. XOXO

I Feel Bad...

I know that PH had a bad day today. I talked to my bestie. Things did not end well for the day. I kinda want to call him and tell him that it will be ok. But I am stopping myself. I don't want to make his day worse. That's all he needs. His wife calling to check on him.

Work wasn't so kind to the guys. But we all have to shake it off. I think I will send him a pizza or something tomorrow. But I feel bad. How does this happen? That we don't talk. But we still have these strong feelings for each other?

Why is life so complicated? Why do we have to be so hardheaded? I wish I knew the answers to these questions. My life would be a lot simpler. 100x's better!

My Sunday night? I will spend it watching Lifetime. Eating Ben & Jerrys. Because it helps. Helps numb all of this. I sound like such a girl! I never used to be like this. But I have turned into one of those girls. The ones that cry at the reveal on Extreme Home Makeover. Or some random commercial. By golly gee! I am a female! XOXO

Everyone is Gone

Pretty typical for a Friday. Everyone is gone for the weekend. That's our life. And work around here. I think about my husband. For the sake of this blog, we will call him PH. For poor husband. I think I have put him through hell and back in the short 7 months that we have been married. I still can't believe it has been 7 months.

But I miss PH. Things went way wrong in June. That is pretty much the last we have really talked. Or spent time together. But I can't help but think about him. He is gone to work. In a different time zone. Trying to consume his time in work and play. I am here, at work. Trying to learn how to deal.

My co-worker/supervisor/friend, LJ (Lady J) tries to help me out. Every morning she helps me with my unruly hair. LJ has tried and tried to teach me how to do my makeup. Not sure if I am actually learning anything. I try. But we still spend the first 30 minutes of our work day, putting my makeup on. I feel like an idiot. Because I am 26 and can't figure it out!

But work is quiet. It gets this way. And I think about PH and our friends. What good it does me? I don't know. But I am waiting another 2 months before I sit PH down for a serious talk. 2 months you ask? In 2 months he has vacation time. I know we won't have to worry about anything. We can sit and talk.

As for today. I am working til noon. Then us girls are going out for lunch. I know they want to go shopping. It will do me some good. I still need lots of stuff to just function in my apartment. I could use some nice clothes for work. I am just a tshirt and jeans girl. But I should look nicer. I am determined to make today a better day! Back to work. XOXO