What an End!!!

My husband is officially off of work. Off the traveling side until February. But off of work. It is his vacation time. The last 10+ months...have been a a whirlwind to say the least!!!

Most people's work year starts in January. His starts in February. Most people work throughout the year, in 1 place. He travels for over 10 months out of the year. This year, has brought so much. We got married weeks into his work schedule. We planned on a summer Honeymoon. We never took it though. Late in the spring, I miscarried our baby. A baby we never knew about, until it was too late. Then we separated in the early summer.

This has been such a tough year. And a year that has been up and down for him, both in work and in personal life. There were so many changes going on. We separated. I returned to working. And living on my own. I got most of my information about PH from coworkers and my bestie. It was so tough.

But tonight, his work is over. This year, in terms of work, is over. For him. And it is time to figure out where the 2 of us go from here. I don't want to go and hunt him down immediately. But, he is done with work. I hear he is going to go spend some time with his sister and go on a hunting trip with his buddies. But, we need to talk. And figure out the next move for us.

I can't continue to live like this. I can't continue to not talk to him. But love him this much. We can't live separate lives and still be married. To still be committed to one another, but not talk to each other. This is not working the way it is. And we need to fix it. Whether we go forward together and work at our marriage. Or if we decide to part ways and get divorced. We have a few short weeks to decide, before he is back on the road. And we need to make some serious changes. XOXO

They Cuddle

I was reading through my bestie and D's tweets earlier today. They make me sick, but in a good way. Life right now, is not being too kind to them. Not as a pair, but individually. But they stick together like glue. Instead of running away from each other, they cuddle up together. They take the time out of their day, to remember each other. To spend a few moments together. Wrapped up in each other's arms.

The thing that I miss most about my husband, is cuddling. We used to fall asleep wrapped up in each other's arms. I used to wake up, with his arm tightly wrapped around my waist or my back. I miss that. I miss that more than you can imagine!!! I miss watching TV, snuggled into him. Hearing his heartbeat. Smelling his cologne. I miss him. I miss our snuggling.

There was just something about those tweets that made me think of PH. Think of how many times a day we would wrap ourselves up together. Just to hangout. Maybe to watch TV. Whatever. We would snuggle up together. And I miss that. I miss him being right here with me. I wish we would have been more like our friends. Would have cuddled up together, instead of run away from one another, when times got rough. XOXO

You've Got a Famous Last Name

I heard this song earlier this week. My bestie left some CDs her boyfriend's office. They are out of town. And he called to ask me, to go look for something in his office. I headed back to work. To dig around for this piece of paper that he needed so desperately.

He had left a CD player on pause. I hit play and started my search. Norah Jones? Not his style at all. But definitely something my bestie would play! Definitely! The 2nd or 3rd song that played was Until the End. Everything about that song, is completely describing their lives. Their relationship.

He's got a famous last name. My bestie doesn't care though. She loves him, in spite of the name. She is probably the only person in the world that sees him for him. Not for the name. She always wants to be more like him. More relaxed. More laid back. But she is so damn determined to make it on her own, that she is always on the go. Always trying to get to work. Trying to pack 10,000 into one day.

That song, in all of its oddness, is the 2 of them. They are each other's other half. They see past the public persona. He sees her for her sweet soul. She sees him for the loving man. No matter what, at the end of the day, isn't that what we all want. For someone to love us in spite of our flaws.

I wanted to post the song. But I didn't know what it was called. Then I thought, maybe by chance, they had it posted on their blog. Sure enough. I found it. Funny that a lot of the things I thought to be similar, were things that my bestie had already blogged about! XOXO

Who Would Have Thought?

Tonight I went to Target. It had been a long and hard day at work. Something that I don't complain about. I like working hard. It makes me feel important, needed. But after work, I was beat. I needed a few things and planned a quick trip to Target, then to pick up something to eat. I figured I would veg out on the couch and watch all the good shows on ABC.

But when I got to Target, I got side tracked. Things caught my eye. Things I would never have expected. Baby stuff. I browsed through the baby department for over an hour. Just thinking. Thinking about what might have been. By now, I would be in the 3rd trimester of my pregnancy. Would PH and I still be happy? Would we be excited for our baby to come? Would we be ready to be parents? Would the baby be a boy or a girl?

I sat there for a long time wondering all of these things. Thinking about PH. Wondering what he was doing at this very moment in time. Does he ever think of the baby we lost? Or is it too hard for him? Will we make it? Will the 2 of us ever be able to put all of this past us? Or are we destined to repeat our parents' patterns? And end up divorced...

I can't help but wonder how different my life would be right now. If only our baby had survived. If only we had known. I miss our baby. Because for a brief moment in time, I knew about this baby, that my husband and I had made out of love. I fell in love with our precious baby. And I hope that our Little Angel will help his/her parents, to find their way back to one another. XOXO

It's Love I Tell You

I had a good talk with the boss today. D was just in a talking mood. He wanted to talk. And I was there. Good thing! Because he wanted to talk about my bestie. The man is so in love! Hey bestie, do you hear? He loves your butt! Well, I don't know if he loves your butt exactly. But he does love you!

I think he would do anything for my bestie. Wait, I don't think, I know that he would do anything for her. And I mean anything! He is trying to figure out a way to convince her to move out here. You see, my bestie is so independent. It's almost ridiculous! She likes to do things on her own. On her own time. In her own way. D is starting to really get to know my bestie. To know the things that make her tick. Honestly, I think he likes her more for all of those things!

It was kinda funny. Because when we were having lunch today, the guys had the radio on some local rap station. Not something we usually listen to. But that's what they were listening to. A song came on. I didn't know what it was called. But I later asked one of the guys. It was 50 Cent's Baby By Me. D just looked at me. I knew what he was thinking. Here are some of the lyrics, "Have a baby by me...Baby. Be a millionaire." Good Luck trying to get her to have your baby! :P

But that is what life comes down to around here. D is head over heels in love with my bestie. He got her a phone a while back. He got himself another. And they use these 2 phones to talk every night. Yup, at the same time. That is, if they are not near each other! Because let's face it, the chaos of these travel schedules, are in part just to see one another!

But I can tell he is ready to settle down. He even admitted it today. He wants to have a family. He finally found a woman that loves him, for him. No strings attached. Not for his money or his fame. Not for his name. Just for him. He knows my bestie. He knows that she is a good woman. And they get along so well.

They talk for hours and hours. Get along so well! She encourages him every day. He is having a tough year. But she is right there for him. And the most important thing, I think anyway. They are willing to be there for one another no matter what. I mean come on. He told me today, that if it would mean them being together, he would leave his career. Which is a pretty big deal! I mean he still owns a great company, has plenty of businesses. But to leave his primary job is big! I wonder if she knows...

I hope that we can convince her to move out here permanently. I think they would be amazing together. My bestie is the kind of woman that completely takes care of you. I can see her taking care of D until forever. You know what I mean? D is the kind of man that would treat his woman like a queen. There would be no other woman that would even spark his interest. It's just about her. And I could just imagine their cute kids! Damn those kids would be beautiful!

It would be nice to see them both happy. To see my bestie not stressed about money. Or completely depressed with the direction her life is going in. I know she doesn't like the career she is in. But it is what she is doing. Because she feels like it is what she needs to do. It's the right thing to do. And D, well he just needs that happiness in his life. A person to completely confide in. Someone that is 100% on his side.

They are so comfortable with each other too! It is ridiculous. All this past week, they were just there. Completely comfortable with one another. Because let's be honest here, my bestie is not a touchy feely kind of a person. She doesn't hug just anyone, things like that. But with D, they are just comfortable. More than once, I seen her cuddle up next him during a car ride. Granted that we were on the road for at least an hour at a time. But seriously, she would lean into him, he would have his arm around her. On more than one night, she fell asleep like that, on the car ride home. I'm just saying!

Ya, that's what they both need. Instead of D traveling right now for work. My bestie traveling to some family thing. They need to be together. They need to let those sparks turn into the fire that is there. And not run away from their feelings. Just let it happen! That's what they need. To let the love and passion take over. To at least be animalistic for one night. That's all I'm saying! I'm sure both families would be happy if there was some pitter patter in a year or so. Hey, I'm just saying! :) XOXO

Round 2

It was another "It's freezing balls out here!" kind of night, last night! We all went to this event. And I swear, I thought I was going to turn into an icicle. My bestie couldn't take it, and before I knew it, we were in D's "City Condo." Ya, because he lives in BFE, he has a condo "in the city." For days like that.

We just hung out. Waited for the guys to do their thing. Because my bestie was performing again. At like 11PM. Insanity I tell you! I don't know whose job is crazier, D's PH's, or my bestie's. They had another great performance. We did another round of dancing. Nothing like the night before. I think D was trying to be a good boy. Ya, he was! At 3:30 in the AM, we decide to leave. Everyone piles into the cars, and we caravan the heck out of there. Because D is awesome like that, we had 10 or so cars with drivers. Nobody had to drive!

On the way to BFE, aka D's house, we make a stop at CVS. Ya, at 3:30AM! To buy what you ask? Crap! My bestie needed some Carmex and chocolate. Don't tell me D didn't have a tube of Carmex or some chocolate at his house. But we stopped. My bestie also ended up buying some conditioner for her hair, a nail polish, and some gum. D got some Carmex, chips, and a bag of mixed Halloween candy. Am I serious? Damn right I am!

There was actually a lot of people in that place! We counted 12 separate people buying things. Including my bestie's friends. A fun couple. He is the director of the band, she is my bestie's makeup artist/hair stylist. Some people had someone else with them, like this couple. But there were 12 people standing there to make their purchases. 10 were buying condoms! Not my bestie. Not D. Come on folks! I should have just bought them some. Maybe that would have pushed one or the other over the line. Started some real fireworks!

We all made it back to D's house. My bestie made breakfast for everyone! Which I have to admit, was very nice! It had been a long night. And that was the perfect way to end it. Just hanging around eating pancakes. I had to laugh when I saw one of the guys eating pancakes and drinking a beer. Only at 4AM in BFE! Doesn't get much better than that! This is love people! XOXO

Rockin' on the Dance Floor

OMG! I tell you, he wants her! Like nobody's damn business. That man wants her! You can see it all over his body. Not just on his face. But his body is literally begging for my bestie! If she doesn't realize it by now, I don't know what to say. I really don't. Because that man is about to explode he wants her so bad!

Last night, the band performed with my bestie. She comes out rockin this white strapless dress. I think it was identical to the black one from the night before. Kinda short, but not hoochy! The most gorgeous hot pink stilettos. I learned that they are called stilettos. Something about the height of the heel. Whatever! And she looked H-O-T! Her makeup was amazing! Her lips, ya they were gorgeous. Looked like she had been eating berries and they were stained. I need to learn how to do that. Because she was smokin!

Again, D performed with her. They would do a couple of songs, then she would go back to whatever the band was doing. Then they would do another romantic song. I swear, you could feel the energy and crap building between them. At one point, I thought D was just going to take her in his arms and kiss her. Like those crazy passionate kisses you see in the old movies! Ya, that kind! You could see were D was fighting his own body. Like his head was saying one thing, but his body was saying something else. You know what I mean?

Then after my bestie and the band finished, a DJ started. The place was already insane! The energy was at like 5000! But it was just getting more and more crazy! We all were in the VIP area. D trying to keep a low profile. But he was right next to my bestie. We do a good job of keeping them out of eyesight anyway. All of a sudden Rihanna's Please Don't Stop the Music comes on. And D has the urge to dance. He doesn't ask my bestie, he just pulls her up outta her seat. And leads her to the dance floor. Everyone's eyes are immediately on them!

I don't think D thought about that. But oh my! It was crazy! You could feel the beat of the music. Literally, my seat was vibrating with the beat. But you could see them dancing to the exact beat. I don't know how to describe it. They were just locked in every way you could imagine. Eyes were completely locked on one another. His hands were tightly around her waist. It was just crazy! I don't think you could have crammed a piece of paper in between them! Passion oozing from them!

They were "Rockin' on the dance floor...acting (somewhat) naughty." Just like the lyrics to the song. The DJ definitely saw what was going on. And he knew who was signing his check at the end of the night. The 4 minute song must have ended up being 10 minutes! Wow! And when it was over, D navigated them through the crowd and back up to the VIP area. All like nothing had happened. Give me a damn break! Women were shocked! Jaws had hit the ground. These horny women wanted him more now than they ever had! And he only had eyes for my bestie!

OK, so maybe she sat a little closer to him after their dance. And he whispered some sweet nothings in her ear, more than once. Another guy that is hot for her, was sitting at the opposite end of the area we were in. He was having a shit fit! Apparently, they had had to have some kind of talk before the show. Because the week before he had crossed some lines and D had punched him a few times. I don't really know the details.

But come on. I swear, had they not been in public, I think something would have definitely gone down! I am so serious! I see the way they look at each other. But they both seem to fight it. Can you imagine what is going to happen when they give in? The freaking 4th of July!

So we get back to D's house around 4AM. People are falling like flies. Everyone is tired. More like exhausted! The 2 of them are like freakin night owls. My bestie pulls out pots and pans and starts cooking! What the heck? Ya, she is making them Monte Cristos! What the hell are those? I don't know. I went to bed. J, one of our friends, tells me he gets up at 7AM. They are sitting on the porch talking! Freakin talking outside in the cold. All wrapped up in blankets on the damn porch! Ya, that's my girl! XOXO

"It's freezing balls out here!"

That's how my husband says it's cold. He never actually says, "It's cold." He always says, "It's freezing balls out here!" It is cold here. All of a sudden it got super cold! And when I heard him say this today, I just had to smile. He was down the hall from my office, talking to one of the guys. They were complaining about having to be outside in the rain. But I just had to smile!

My bestie is hard at work too! Freezing her tail feather no less! But we are all trying to deal and cope with the cold. She is having to go back and forth. Inside and out. I feel bad for her. But I am just glad that most of my work, has to be done on the computer today!

Last night was a blast! I just love watching my bestie do her thing. D even got up and sang a few songs. I swear, at one point, it looked like he wanted to jump her bones! No lie! The drool was pooling in his mouth! :) But that song is a pretty hot and heavy one, when you listen to the words. Something that I ahve been doing lately. It's Lady A's new one. And the way that she looks at him when they sing. WOW! So HOT!

She was also smokin! In a black strapless dress. Her hair all done up. Makeup was perfect. Red hot shoes. And matching red hot lips! I swear, there was more than one man looking at her last night. And she is just so dumb to it all! She honestly doesn't get that guys are literally in love with her. Hello? Wake up and realize you are a damn good catch!

Ya, so far that has been the week. I am trying to stay on the DL. But you know, around here, that is almost impossible! But I try. Tonight, we have another fun event. Actually, all week we have fun events planned! XOXO