Life Unraveled!!!

I feel like I have hit the lowest of the lows. And I want to go home. To the comfort of my house with all it's unpacked moving boxes and frozen pizza. At least there, I don't feel this bad. But the boss' wife talked me out of it about an hour ago. She saw me trying to leave my room with my bags. I promised to stay until Sunday. But I don't know if I can.

I tried to enjoy a little bit of the sunny weather. It is hot as heck here! But I just couldn't do it. I talked with both my bestie and D. When they say things, the problems don't seem as big. When I think about them, they seem HUGE! I don't know what to do. I know that PH and I need to talk. But I don't want to be an added issue to this stressful time. I'm holding out hope for November. When I know he gets a break from work. A time that I hope to sit and talk with him.

What the heck am I going to do for the next few days? I have to be here until Sunday. Mostly because my bestie asked nicely when we talked. Now I can't go breaking promises with 2 different people! But my bestie told me that just being around shows PH that I still care. I hope it shows him that I still love him. Because I do! But I also need to keep myself busy. And where we are headed until Sunday, there is not much to do. Besides what PH does. I guess I will pick up reading. I need to get a book before we leave. XOXO

We've Lost It!

My hubs and I have! What the hell did we do last night? Here I was all stressed about having to walk in heels. Getting people to wherever they needed to be. In general, doing my job in a fancy dress and high heels!

Then it happened. I walked in and saw him. My husband. Looking all cute in his dress clothes. Laughing away and joking with D. What was I supposed to do? I talked to the other people that were there. I tried to stay focused on my tasks. Tried to keep my mind off of the man that I love more than life itself. As soon as I could, I left the event.

As I left, PH followed. Ran to the car that was taking me back to the hotel. Something that I never expected to happen. Not in a million years. And not matter how hard I tried to resist, I couldn't resist him. Use your imagination. I'm sure you know what happened next. Not that I am complaining. Because Lord I'm not! But where did it get us?

This morning I woke up to find him MIA. And a note from him sitting on the bathroom sink. "Love ya. Sorry about last night. (His initial)" Um, what is that supposed to mean? Is he sorry for what happened? That it happened? That he came around? What the hell is going on? I tried to call. But it went straight to his voicemail. Go figure!

D had called about 20 times the night before. I guess he was worried that I had left the event early. Then around 2AM he was worried about PH. Because he didn't know what had happened to him. I guess D has had to act like our dad for a while now. About 3AM he figured we were together. And left a happy message. Then my bestie called another 20 times, wondering what the heck had happened to me. And why I wasn't answering my phone.

Well, hells bells! I don't know what's going on. I feel like I am walking the Hall of Shame! PH is my husband. I shouldn't feel this way. But I do. I don't regret last night. But I do regret not talking about our problems. Will we ever talk? Will we ever get passed all of this? I don't know. But I am still holding onto hope. XOXO